The Prodigal Nightmare

  I got my first email address when I moved to Iowa in 1994. Even though it was only 22 years ago let me give you an idea about how different the world was. A phone call from Marshalltown, Iowa to 60 miles away Des Moines, Iowa was classified as a local toll call and cost 10 cents a minute. My wife calling her mother 120 miles away in Sumner, Iowa was classified as a long distance toll call and cost the same 20 cents a minute that I was charged to call my parents in New Jersey.

  The only way to access the internet was to dial into an internet service provider and the only way I could afford to sign up with an internet service provider was to find one with a local Marshalltown phone number so I wouldn’t be charged for each minute I was on the web. There as one and only one such service – Prodigy. I signed up for a prodigy account and received my first email address (anzis@prodigy.net) which I have kept from then to now.

  Over the years Prodigy was bought and sold a number of times. I’ve had my credit card billed by Prodigy, SBC Communications, SBC Yahoo, and finally AT&T Internet Services. During that time I’ve also had credit cards renewed or changed and managed to update my billing information either online or with a phone call. I don’t need to pay for a prodigy email account and haven’t needed to for many years but it has always been more of a hassle to change my email information for so many contacts and so many companies that it has always just been easier to keep paying for the service.

  I’d been paying for my prodigy email account with a State Farm credit card for the last few years when I got a new State Farm credit card in the mail with one of those EMV chips designed to prevent fraud until the technology gets hacked, causing new and improved security measures to be invented and implemented. The new card had the same number but a new expiration date so I had to once again change my billing information in order to keep my prodigy email service.

Clicking on the billing information link seemed easy enough...

...but entering the password proved to be an insurmountable challenge!

  The Sunday after I got my new card I went to my yahoo mail page and clicked on my ‘My Account’ link which brought me to the AT&T Yahoo account page where I clicked the ‘View Internet Billing Information’ page. I was brought to a page with my email address filled in and asked to enter my password. I entered my password and was told my password didn’t match the password in the database. After several failed efforts I clicked the ‘Forgot Password’ link and changed my password.

  Having changed my password, I entered it again on the AT&T page and was told that my password didn’t match the password in the database. At this point I gave up on trying to change my credit card information myself and clicked the support link which brought me to a page that said ‘The article you're looking for doesn't live here anymore.’ but that I could get help at their ‘Support Center’ link.

Unfortunately the support page had gone missing!

  I clicked the support center link which gave me a new page listing the AT&T products and asking me what I wanted help with. I clicked the ‘dial-up’ section and was brought to another page asking me for my account number. That was all good except I never had an account number. I’ve always identified myself with my email address or my credit card number. The account number field was numbers only so I couldn’t enter my email address. I tried to enter my credit card number but that wasn’t accepted either. At this point I found another link that pointed me to a 24/7 technical support hotline.

  I called the AT&T technical support hotline and was connected to an autobot that told me it could understand sentences and asked what I wanted help with. I said ‘change billing information’ and was asked to say or press my account number. I told the autobot my email address and was asked to say or press my account number. I asked to speak with a person. The autobot kept asking me questions about my account and after I finally got the idea to tell it I didn’t have an account was connected to a technical support department.

  The person on the support department line asked ‘How could they make my day better?’ and I explained that I just needed to change my billing information because my credit card information had changed. The support person asked me for my account number and I explained that I didn’t have one and that I had had my ‘anzis@prodigy.net’ email address that I was paying for every month using my credit card that was going to expire. The technical support person said that they had never head of a ‘prodigy’ email address and said they were going to put me on hold while they found someone who could ‘make my day better’. After 10 minutes I heard the friendly voice of the autobot telling me it could understand sentences and asking what I wanted help with. I hung up having lost a half hour I’ll never get back.

  On Monday I called the same support number from work and after dealing with the autobot for another 10 minutes got connected with the billing department (which was closed on the weekends). After another five minutes of explaining that I had no account number and that I had a prodigy email account through AT&T I was put on hold for another 10 minutes and connected to Pamela from the dial-up network division.

  Pamela was very nice and explained that the dial-up network division was so old that when AT&T last upgraded their website they did not include the older technologies like prodigy email and dial-up accounts. She told me that she would be happy to help me and gave me a direct number to call in case we got disconnected. She asked for my new credit card number and as I was giving it to her said she couldn’t hear me and that there must be something wrong with my phone. I knew Pamela couldn’t hear me but just in case I mentioned that of course it had to be my phone since AT&T had been so competent up to this point and are in the telephone business how could there be anything wrong with their phone system? Unfortunately my sarcasm was wasted as Pamela couldn’t hear me and I ended up hanging up.

  After lunch, I called the phone number Pamela gave me but got the same autobot and after 10 minutes of answering questions about not having an account number I got connected to the billing department once again. I asked for the dial-up network division directly and was quickly connected with Barb. Barb was very nice and apologized for my previous problems and also apologized because the dial-up network billing system was down and she wouldn’t be able to enter my new billing information online. What Barb did offer to do was take my credit card information and enter it once the system was back up. I asked if Barb would email me once this was done and she said sure.

  Feeling I had finally gotten my billing information upgraded I happily hung up the phone and waited for the email. I waited one day. Then I waited another day. I didn’t notice any abnormal activity on my credit card so on Thursday I called the AT&T phone number, mentally wrestled with the autobot, and 10 minutes later was talking to Tammy from the dial-up network division. I explained my problem and Tammy told me the system was back up and running and she would be able to enter my new billing information online at that moment. I gave Tammy the information and it was entered in no time. Tammy even gave me the network dial-up division’s direct number.

  The next day my credit card showed a charge for a few cents from AT&T Internet Services so I knew that after at least 3 hours on the phone my credit card information was updated and my ancient email account was safe for at least a few more years. I wanted to thank Tammy for being able to accomplish what the other AT&T service reps failed to do so I called the network dial-up division’s direct number to thank her. I got the autobot telling me it could understand sentences and asking what I wanted help with.

It Only Took 30 Months!

What do we have here?

  I don’t normally get money in the mail that I’m not expecting but I did get some twice a couple of weeks ago from unexpected sources. In late 2013 I wrote about how I agreed to spend an afternoon of my vacation Thanksgiving week getting a demonstration of FiltroPur air filtration products in return for a $100 gas card which turned out to be 10 $10 gas rebates that I had to send to the International Rebates company in Florida. That blog post (you can read it here) is the most read post I’ve written by a factor of two, well outpacing any beagle posts and my 2011 review of a Joe Namath biography (For the record, my chess posts are far down the list with the most widely read being my review of ‘ChessNetwork’’s YouTube channel and the Chessimo iPod app. It seems there is no shortage of people who want to know more about FiltroPur and their $100 ‘gas card offer’.

  I faithfully mailed a $10 rebate form every month for 10 months which cost $4.70 in postage. I wouldn’t get a rebate check for months until I would call International Rebates (the company I mailed the rebate forms to) and ask them if they had received my forms (they had) and when I would get my rebate (soon). This company would always tell me my rebate check should be mailed next week and I’d never get a rebate check.

  Eventually I just kept on calling International Rebates and instead of hanging up when they told me my rebate check should be mailed next week I would stay on the phone with them as long as I could and ask them what dates they got my rebate forms and when I was supposed to get my rebate check and start all over again since if the dates were right I should have received my rebate checks already. If they hung up I would call again and start from the beginning.

  I only talked to two representatives from International Rebates and I either elicited their sympathies or wore them down with my persistence since I received two checks for $20 and another check for $50 over the next year. I hope you noticed that I never received a $10 rebate and that the total of the rebates I received was $10 short of the promised $100 in rebates.

  I called International Rebates 5 separate times trying to get that last $10 dollars. Each time I was told the 12 month rebate period had expired. It didn’t matter how long I stayed on the phone or that I sent the rebate form in well before the 12 month period – I got the same answer every time. What almost bothered me as much as not getting the ten dollars was that the International Rebates representatives didn’t seem bothered in the slightest by how long I kept them on the phone asking the same questions over and over. Either they had taken some Zen classes or were on to my tricks or were just delighted to tell me that I wasn’t going to get my $10.

  So sometime in early 2015 I gave up and stopped calling International Rebates about getting my last $10 gas rebate check. I didn’t give it much thought and truth be told I was happy to be able to talk about my missing $10 anytime the subject of International Rebates of FiltroPur came up in casual conversation which I don’t recall it ever has.

  Last month I got a letter in the mail from a company called ‘Grand Incentives’ in Florida. I figured it was one of the many offers I get for car, house, or appliance warranties. I opened the letter to see what was inside before ripping it half and tossing it into the trash but instead of some money saving offer there was a $10 check from International Rebates! My last ten dollars had finally come home. I have no idea why after over a year I finally got my last $10 gas rebate check and I didn’t call to ask either. I did try to see if there had been some sort of class action lawsuit against the company but all I found were a bevy of Better Business Bureau complaints, most of which were resolved to the complainant’s satisfaction.

  I was happy to finally receive my last $10 dollars from International Rebates and close a 30 month saga that netted me $95.30 for sitting through a two hour demonstration and spending at least four hours on the phone. If I am ever again offered a $100 gas card for sitting through a demonstration I will need to have the card in my hand before any demonstration person sets foot in my door. As the late Ronald Reagan once said ‘Trust, but verify’.

I will treat the next company that offers me a $100 gas card to sit through a demo like Reagan treated Gorbachev...

   A few days after I got my $10 from International Rebates, I received a check from Wells Fargo for one dollar and zero cents. I stopped banking at Wells Fargo in the summer of 2014 (and wrote about it here) after they refused to let me deposit three of 14 checks for my chess camp that weren’t specifically made out to me. It took me a few months to untangle the web that Wells Fargo wove around my finances from direct deposit and online transfers to pay bills which I consider time well spent since I have had no issues with my new bank (United Bank and Trust of Marshalltown) either depositing or withdrawing money. As a bonus I haven’t gotten any calls from Wells Fargo trying to sell me Accidental Dismemberment Insurance (that I wrote about here), Life Insurance, Car Insurance, Homeowners Insurance, Bill Pay Insurance, Brokerage accounts, etc.., etc.., etc.

And again...

  The letter I got from Wells Fargo stated that I had made a deposit but filled out the deposit slip incorrectly and as a result did not get credit for a dollar that I had deposited. I was happy to get the dollar but found it ironic that the same tellers that got all ‘deposit Nazi’ on my chess camp checks couldn’t be bothered to make sure a deposit slip was totaled correctly. I got a call from Wells Fargo a week later inquiring if they could help me with my ‘banking needs’ which made me think there was no mistake on any deposit slip and the dollar was an excuse to make a cold call. I told the Wells Fargo phone representative the same thing I told the representative that called me a year ago to see what they could do to get my business back which was to wait for every other bank in town to not let me make deposits and they would be next in line. If Wells Fargo is reading this I want to point out that if you can find a $1,000 mistake I made on a deposit I promise I will open a Wells Fargo account just to deposit it in.

The Long Way Way Back

George Harrison recorded this song in 1997 - a year before his death.
I could listen to it all day and sometimes do!

You may not know where you came from
May not know who you are
May not have even wondered
How you got this far
Any Road by George Harrison

  Two Fridays ago I got up at 4:00 like I do 360 or so times a year, took Daisy and Baxter for a walk like I do 360 or so times a year, left the house at 5:30 and drove to West Des Moines to teach at the St. Francis Chess Club like I do 40 Fridays a year. 39 of these Fridays I’d head to work after chess club but this particular Friday I did what I only do once a year which to head 200+ miles northwest to Okoboji, Iowa to direct the Okoboji Open chess tournament for my friends Jodene Kruse and Sam Smith and hang out with a bunch of great people for a weekend.

After filling up my Chevy Spark at the Kum & Go, I went to the Burger King for a
breakfast of Hash Brown bites and ground-free coffee.

  After a great walk with my beagles I packed up my Chevy Spark with a travel bag and tournament directing stuff and made my way 60 miles southwest to St. Francis. I was running late so I skipped my Friday morning cup of coffee at the Marshalltown Git’n’Go. I was feeling a little tired but the 35 or so chess players at St. Francis had so much energy it was impossible not to be enthusiastic for a weekend chess tournament as I left West Des Moines at 8:45. My first stop was to fill my Spark with $2.09 a gallon gasoline at the nearby Kum & Go and then I headed next door to the Burger King to get some coffee and check my email using their free wireless internet. This was the same Burger King I wrote about last year when their coffee was more grounds than coffee which gave me an entire blog post. The hash brown bites were as good as last year but the coffee was ground free this year and only worth a paragraph as I headed to Okoboji.

This place puts the 'X' in Xpresss!

  I’m always nervous before a long trip and wanted to make sure my car was ready. I got new tires last month and arranged to have my car’s oil changed at the LOFXpress in Ames, Iowa during my work lunch time the week of my trip. I had gone to the LOFXpress once before and was very impressed with how I got my oil changed in 15 minutes and I didn’t even have to get out of my car. I wasn’t so lucky on my second visit. Even though there was no one in front of me I had to get out of my car and go to the lobby where I waited and waited. Then the technician called me over and showed me an air filter that needed replacing, a cabin filter that needed replacing, and manual transmission fluid that needed replacing. I patiently explained that I wanted an oil change and really didn’t have time for all this replacing since I was on a lunch break. I was ushered back to the lobby where I waited and waited some more. Eventually my oil change was done and it was time to pay. The cashier explained all the replacing I had refused and asked me if I had any questions. I asked how long I been there and the cashier told me 50 minutes and I said we must have different ideas about what ‘Xpress’ meant. The cashier told me they were very thorough and then asked me if I wanted to join their loyalty program. I told him there wasn’t any point in me joining since I had no intention on being a loyal customer and that they should rename the business to UpsellXpress. My car ran fine the rest of the week and I wasn’t too concerned about the LOFXpress upsell warnings as I made my way to Okoboji.

Welcome to Cylinder! I took a picture at the corner of Main and Parallel streets.
Maybe someday I'll figure out what Parallel St. is parallel to.

  I listened to music on my amazing iPod's Rhapsody app and found myself playing 'Any Road' by George Harrison repeatedly. While almost any road will take me to Okoboji, Iowa, I take a longish route using Interstate 35 and state highways 18 and 71. It's 30 or so miles longer than the 'quickest' route but with a 70 mile an hour speed limit for half the drive and only three roads I make up the time with more speed and not getting lost or making a wrong turn. I made it to my halfway point of the Mason City McDonald’s a little before 11 which was excellent time. I had an Egg McMuffin and ate it while I stretched my legs and checked my email using the free wireless internet, thinking how McDonald’s offering breakfast items all day may be their best idea since the Egg McMuffin in the first place. I had hopes of getting to Cylinder before the post office closed at 12 but was undone by road construction in Britt Iowa which seems to have road construction every time I pass through on my way to Okoboji. This time there was 5 miles of one lane traffic in two separate wait lines while construction crews were sawing square holes in the Route 18 westbound lane – don’t ask me why.

  After an interminable wait during which I fell asleep and was woken up by the honking horns of the cars behind me and the screaming of the person holding the Slow/Stop sign in front of me I finally got past the traffic and made my now annual pilgrimage to the sleepy town of Cylinder (population 88) at 12:30, a half hour after the post office closed.

The skyline of downtown Cylinder changed drastically in 2016 with the new 5 bay fire department and the Rack Shack giving way to 'Haack's Nest'.

  Cylinder seems to have changed quite a bit in the last year. The Rack Shack restaurant I ate in last year turned into the Haack’s Nest sports bar and there is a brand new fire station building with 5 bays for fire trucks. I doubt Cylinder has 5 fire department vehicles although I couldn’t find any statistics on how many fire department vehicles are in Cylinder or even how many fires the Cylinder Fire Department responded to in the last year or decade or century. I thought about stopping in Haack’s Nest but decided to leave that until 2017 and soldiered my way on to Okoboji.

  I arrived at the Arrowwood resort in Okoboji at 1:30. I wanted to arrive early was so I could get a nap and be rested for the Okoboji Blitz tournament. I embarrassed myself in last year’s blitz with an 0-5 performance and a 12th place finish which could have been worse if there were more than 12 people since I finished dead last and at least 2 points behind everyone else. My poor play is on me but I didn’t help myself by being up for 18 hours before the 10:30 blitz tournament without a nap and having an 18,000 calorie meal of an egg bacon cheeseburger, a plate of Rueben bites, and two Mountain Dews at the Rack Shack for lunch. I wanted to play in the blitz this year but wanted to give myself the best chance at success so I made sure to arrive early, get a nap, and not be filled up with thousand of calories worth of eggs, cheese, and meat. Unfortunately even though I was told I could get an early check in my room wasn’t ready so I went into the tournament room to hang out.

  The big tournament room was all set with 25 tables. This year’s crowd wasn’t going to be very big so there was no rearranging needed on my part. I set up my computer and puttered around until Jodene and the players started arriving around 2:30. At 4 the Arrowwood called Kathy to let me know my room was ready! Kathy sent me an email but by that point it was too late to get a nap since players were arriving and there were entry fees to reconcile, questions to answer, and late arrivals to put into the computer. I had an odd number of players and was going to press Sam into service to be a house player but one player called to tell me he was stuck in traffic and needed a first round bye so I was back to even numbers. I paired the round and the 2016 Okoboji Open was underway...

Rhapsodic

  Last year around this time I recounted my problems with my Rhapsody music app on my amazing iPod shutting down their service on New Year’s Eve and leaving me without music for my hour long commute home. That story had a happy ending when I managed to wrangle a free month of service from the company for my discomfort. I was and am well aware of the ‘first world’ nature of my discomfort but as I’m very fond of saying “it’s not my world – I’m just living in it’. I will say that I pay the company $14.99 a month for the use of their music service and that carries the expectation of having their service available for the month.

  I haven’t written about Rhapsody since last January and you may be thinking they must have messed up again to make the august pages of this Broken Pawn blog. If you are thinking that you are thinking wrong. Rhapsody’s service has been stellar since New Years Eve 2014 with no noticeable interruptions. They have upgraded their iTunes app numerous times with improvements such as notifying me when new albums are available or to let me know that I haven’t listened to the Doors lately with a playlist at the ready for my listening pleasure.

  I don’t subscribe to Rhapsody for notifications – I subscribe because the service has a large selection of music that I can download and listen to without being connected to the internet. If the world of podcasts had existed years ago I may never have signed up for a paid music service and I will readily admit it to being a luxury that I could do without.

  One of Rhapsody’s glaring weaknesses is that if they don’t have access to an access to an artist’s music I can’t listen to it. In 2013 they lost the rights to the music of John Lennon and Billy Joel. Both were regulars on my playlists and sorely missed. Luckily both artists were restored within weeks.

  Three of my favorite artists that were never on Rhapsody were Led Zeppelin, George Harrison, and the Beatles. I have plenty of their CD’s which I put onto my iPod using my iTunes app. The desktop Rhapsody application allows me to mix my music into my Rhapsody playlists but iPod app allows no such mixing. It wasn’t a big deal but an annoyance nonetheless. Then in the February I got a notification from Rhapsody to let me know the Led Zeppelin catalog was now available.

  I quickly downloaded all of my favorite Led Zeppelin songs and put them into my playlists. Judging from radio playlists I assume most people would pick ‘Stairway To Heaven’ or ‘Whole Lotta Love’ as their favorite Led Zeppelin songs. My tastes run a little different. When I want to hear some of the slower Zeppelin songs I turn to ‘Nobody’s Fault But Mine’ from the Presence album or “Kashmir’ from the “Physical Graffiti’ double album (which I consider the best Zeppelin album) and if I’m in the mood for something faster I’ll go for Physical Graffiti’s ‘Brandy & Coke’ or ‘Custard Pie’, ‘Hots on For Nowhere’ or my personal favorite Zeppelin song ‘D’yer Mak’er’ from the Houses of the Holy album.

  It was a treat to be able to play Led Zeppelin in my Rhapsody playlists on my iPod and in October it got better when Rhapsody added George Harrison‘s music. There isn’t any sound like Harrison’s guitar and his solo music always struck me as square in the middle of John Lennon’s in your face style and Paul McCartney’s ‘all happy all they time music’. It was realistic and at the same time hopeful. When I’m feeling overwhelmed by a tall task in front of me whether it’s a programming project or a tough position at the chessboard at hand all I have to listen to ‘Dark Horse’:

You thought you had got me in your grip
Baby looks like you was not so smart
And I became too slippery for you
But let me say that was nothing new.

  And I remember the underdog always has a shot as long as they keep punching. Harrison’s ‘Live In Japan’ is one of the best live albums I’ve ever listened to. I loaded up my iPod with most of Harrison’s hits but also two of his albums from the mid 70’s that weren’t critically acclaimed or best sellers but were certainly among my favorites 1979’s ‘George Harrison’ and the 1976 ‘Thirty Three & 1/3’ which contains my favorite Harrison song ‘It’s What You Value’:

It's all up to what you value
Down to where you are
It all swings on the pain you've gone through
Getting where you are

  A song ostensibly about motor racing but it applies to almost any situation I find myself in. As you can imagine I was well pleased with Rhapsody in the second half of 2015 but they were saving the best for last. In the last week of 2015 the entire Beatles discography became available on all the major streaming services, including Rhapsody. This change of events came with much fanfare and for good reason since the Beatles were music and society game-changers on the level of Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, and Michael Jackson. If you don’t think of the names I just mentioned as game changers I would remind you that Sinatra had the women of the 30’s throwing their underwear on stage during his performances and Elvis Presley’s gyrations were deemed so subversive that he was only shown from the waist up during his national appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. It may not seem like it now but the Beatles were even more radical then Presley and Sinatra. During the early 60’s the Beatles longish hair was made fun of but while Elvis joined the Army in 1957 and emerged as a film star singing Blue Hawaii and Sinatra became a Las Vegas act, the Beatles broke that mold and went psychedelic. While the Beatles weren’t on the same level of provocation as Jim Morrison or Jimi Hendrix (except for John Lennon’s famous statement that the Beatles were more ‘popular than Jesus’), the Beatles fame and popularity took any movement they embraced to a new level in popular culture whether it was meditation, drug use, or being anti-Vietnam.

  I didn’t download the Beatles catalog right away but I listened to all the albums from start to end except for the song Revolution 9 from the White Album that you had to play backwards to hear someone say ‘Turn me on, dead man’.

  It took a couple of days to listen to all the Beatle songs and I found myself downloading a number of them and adding them to my playlists. What struck me was how crisp the songs still sound over 45 years later. The albums I found myself listening too the most this past week were ‘Magical Mystery Tour’ and ‘Rubber Soul’. Although the albums were released only two years apart the styles seem completely different. The Magical Mystery Tour album has some of the bands greatest ‘trippy’ songs like ‘Flying’, ’I Am The Walrus’, and ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’ while Rubber Soul is like a greatest hits record with only one of the 14 songs over 3 minutes long (‘You Won’t See Me’ at 3:19).The other day I listened to Rubber Soul’s ‘I’m Looking Through You’ at least a dozen times on my 37 mile commute. I’m sure you’ve met at least one person that made you feel this way:

I'm looking through you,
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you,
What did I know?
You don't look different, but you have changed
I'm looking through you, you're not the same
Your lips are moving,
I cannot hear
Your voice is soothing,
But the words aren't clear
You don't sound different,
I've learned the game

  I’m sure there are many artists that Rhapsody doesn’t provide the songs for but none that I miss. Since I hammered Rhapsody pretty good last year I thought it was only right to get it in public how very pleased I am with their service now that they have added some of my favorite artists to their catalogs.

  Speaking of getting hammered, ny NFL playoff predictions stated great with the Chief's shutout but quickly went downhill as the torrential downpour left the Steelers-Bengals under, the Seahawks failed to cover against the Vikings, and the Redskins only played one half of a game against the Packers. The three losses leave me down $230 mythical dollars heading into this weekend's games. All four road teams won a playoff round for the first time ever and I think this weekend will lead to the revenge of the home teams. As usual I will take the betting lines from the Betonline.ag lines as listed on the Yahoo Sports page for entertainment purposes only with no real money being wagered.

Kansas City Chiefs at New England Patriots
The Patriots were the team that most needed a week off to get their offensive line and receivers healthy. The Chiefs looked great against the Texans and hammered the Patriots last year in Kansas City. I expect the Patriots to show why they are the defending champions and easily win this game so I will bet $220 to win $200 that the Patriots will cover the 5 points.

Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals
The Cardinals throttled the Packers 38-8 on December 27th in Arizona. The Packers are on a short week having played on Sunday. I am not buying the resurgent Packer offense that appeared against the Redskins and will take the Cardinals for $110 to win $100 and give the 7 points.

Seattle Seahawks at Carolina Panthers
The Seahawks could barely move the ball against the Vikings and the Panthers defense is even better although the temperature will much higher in Charlotte. West coast teams traditionally have a difficult time heading east and I like the Panthers on a $110 bet to dethrone to two-time defending champions by more than the 2.5 line.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver Broncos
It doesn't look like Steeler's quarterback Ben Roethlisberger will be close to 100% for this game. I don't think Broncos QB Peyton Manning is anything close to 100% either but I expect the Broncos to score enough to put this game away and will bet $110 that they will cover the 7 point spread,

Ground to Okoboji

  I went to Okoboji, Iowa for the seventh year in a row last weekend to direct the super strong Okoboji Open chess tournament for my friend Jodene Kruse. Okoboji weekend is by far the most challenging chess weekend of the year for me. In my youth tournaments the players are battling over what color ribbon they are going to get and the most complicated question I get is whether the position on the board is a checkmate or a stalemate (or neither). At Okoboji there’s $2000 in prize money at stake with some of the best players in the region playing. I have to be concerned with which players are paired against each other with what colors and I may have to make decisions at a moment’s notice on any number of arcane topics like how to handle a spectator with a ticking clock in their bag or whether to uphold a claim that a position had occurred on the board three times or what to do when the players are running so low on time that they aren’t writing down the moves but someone has a claim about a ’50 move rule’ or a ‘repetition of position’.

My first stop on my trip to Okoboji took me to this Burger King in West Des Moines Iowa.
The coffee is a bit pricey but the wireless internet is free.

  One thing I expect at the Okoboji Open is the unexpected and if nothing unexpected happens – well that is not something I expect either. Other things I expect about the Okoboji weekend is I will meet friends I see once or twice a year, make new friends, and have a great time. I never went to a family reunion but I imagine if I did it would be a lot like the Okoboji Open tournament. It’s a place I feel like I belong and fit in and that is a feeling I appreciate.

  I arranged to take Friday and Monday off from work and in a perfect world would have left my house at ten to take the leisurely 230 mile trip northwest to Okoboji. Since the world isn’t perfect I got up at four as usual, took Daisy and Baxter for their morning walk at 4:30, packed my car with all my chess directing stuff and a few days’ worth of food (including AMP Focus Energy drinks) and clothes and at 5:30 made a 63 mile trip southwest to St. Francis in West Des Moines for the chess club. I suppose I could have taken the easy way out and left the club in the hands of my capable co-coaches the same way I did when I went to California but that wouldn’t have been the easy way for me. Working with the St. Francis kids is a highlight of my week and if these kids can get up an hour early on a Friday to go to chess club I can drive an hour to run it for them.

  As usual I had a great chess club as long as I discount the child that tripped over a chair and hit his head on another chair and had a knot on his forehead the size of a grapefruit which the school nurse didn’t think needed any attention except a little ice and at 8:30 I was headed to Okoboji. Before I started on the 240 mile trip from West Des Moines to Okoboji I stopped at the closest Kum & Go to fill up my Chevy Spark with gasoline. While I was filling up I checked my iPod to see if there was a wireless internet connection I could use to check my email. The Kum & Go didn’t offer internet access but the Burger King next door did so as soon as I had filled up I drove next door to the Burger King parking lot and went inside.

The hash browns were tasty but there were guests in the coffee...

  I checked my work and home emails and thought it was only right that I buy something from the Burger King since I used their wireless internet. I went to the counter and ordered a medium coffee and a small bag of hash brown bites. The hash browns were great but I was stunned to find out the coffee was $1.69 and my bill was $2.85. I started popping the hash brown bites into my mouth while I looked for some creamers to put into my $1.69 medium coffee. I went to the Burger King counter person and asked for some creamers. She let out a big sigh, disappeared for a second, reappeared with a container of creamers and gave me one single creamer for my coffee. I was going to ask for a second creamer to put in my $1.69 medium cup of coffee but thought the better of it and took the lid off my coffee to put my lone creamer in. As I was pouring the creamer into my coffee I noticed some floating objects in the coffee and stuck on the sides of the cup. My $1.69 coffee was loaded with coffee grounds!

  I would normally be pretty upset at having bought a $1.69 cup of medium sized coffee that was full of grounds but on Okoboji weekend I was almost deliriously happy. Every year I write about my travels to Okoboji and let’s face it – there just isn’t a lot that happens between here and there. It was awesome to have a fascinating topic to write about before I even left West Des Moines and I still had 240 miles of adventure left! I pulled out my camera and started taking pictures of the coffee and hash browns and the receipt for 2.85. The clerk came over, looked at my cup, and said "Oh...there are grounds in the coffee again". I kept on taking pictures. The coffee was steaming hot and clouding my camera lens whenever I tried for a close-up. I was experimenting with distance and exposure when the manager came over.

  The manager asked what I was taking pictures of. I'd seen her coming and had decided to take a self-absorbed artistic stance. I didn’t look up from my photographic experiments and considered asking the manager if she had a spare beret but instead casually mentioned my coffee was full of grounds. The manager offered to make me a new cup and I said not to bother because I’ve had grounds in my coffee plenty of times at the Jiffy in Marshalltown so it was no big deal to me. I did mention that the Burger King coffee had more grounds, less coffee, and cost more than Jiffy coffee.

If you want extra customer attention at the West Des Moines Burger King I recommend you buy a cup of coffee with grounds in it, then wheel out a camera and start taking pictures. I was offered more creamers and a new cup from a freshly made industrial size pot!

  The manager asked again why I was taking pictures and I mentioned that I was the author of an award winning blog (leaving out the part about the self-nominated chess blog award that is four years old) and my $1.69 cup of coffee with grounds was going to be prominently featured. The manager poured herself a cup of coffee, swirled the cup around, took a look, and decided to let the entire contents of this huge coffee dispenser drain out into a garbage can.

  Meanwhile I kept on taking pictures and the manager said she was making more coffee, that it would be done in just a few minutes, and asked me if I wanted a different cup of coffee. I said no thanks but did ask for another creamer which I got in record time and even got to pick my own creamer out of the container. I thanked the manager, put my second creamer in the coffee, and took a sip of my $1.69 coffee with grounds and two creamers, which caused the manager to involuntarily wince and almost gag. I checked my email one last time and headed out of the Burger King towards my car and the road to Okoboji.

I wanted coffee from this truck but eventually settled on a cup from the Garner, Iowa Casey's!

  I really wasn't very thirsty and the $1.69 medium size Burger King coffee with grounds lasted well over 100 miles past my Mason City exit on Route 35. The hash browns didn't see Interstate Route 35 - they were gone in the 20 miles from the Burger King to my exit on Interstate Route 80. I saw a truck that was carrying the best coffee on the interstate (I know because the truck said so!) and followed it until I had to turn off Route 35 at the Mason City exit onto Iowa Highway 18. A little past Mason City I took a sip of my $1.69 medium size Burger King coffee with grounds and finally got more grounds than coffee. I wanted more coffee and less grounds so I stopped at the next convenience store I came to which was the Casey's General Store in Garner, Iowa. I got a 20 ounce refill cup for 74 cents and can report it was ground free as I continued my travels to Okoboji....

This clerk at Casey's was making fresh coffee from the moment I walked in until the moment I left. The price of 74 cents was less than half of the Burger King coffee and didn't have any grounds, either.
I didn't ask if grounds are extra...

$15 Worth of Customer Service

  I didn’t have a favorite toy when I was a kid but as a grown up my favorite toy is far and away my iPod. Forty years ago no one except science fiction writers could imagine a little computer that fits in the palm of a hand that could play let its owner listen to music, watch videos, send and receive messages, have video chats, display books, play chess against people from all over the world, check news weather and sports, trade stocks, and so much more. The reason I call my iPod a toy instead of a tool is that I used to do all these things before I had the iPod but now I can do them all from this tiny little device.

  My music app of choice on my iPod is the Rhapsody music player. I pay $15 a month to Rhapsody to be able to access their large library of songs. There are plenty of free music players but they all require me to either own the music I want to play or be connected to the Internet to play songs that I haven’t purchased while the Rhapsody app allows me to download music from their library and play it even when I’m off line as long as I occasionally connect to the internet and log in to the Rhapsody server. I have some playlists that I listen to time after time and sometimes I let the app spin out a playlist based on my listening history. There are times where I catch a group of songs that hit me just right and I have a super productive day of work which ends in what seems like an hour or my drive is over before I know it.

  On New Year’s Eve I was working and left a few minutes past my five o’clock quitting time and was having a great day listening to music from the Rhapsody app on my iPod. I was looking forward to a pleasant drive home listening to more music but when I got to my car the music stopped and the app was asking me for my password. I figured I hadn’t logged in for too long and went from my car back to the office lobby to access the company’s wireless internet and log in but the Rhapsody app kept telling me my password was invalid. Thinking I forgot the password, I went from the office lobby to my cubicle, turned on my computer, and went to the Rhapsody website to ask for a new password. After a few minutes I received an email with instructions on how to reset my password. I reset my password and once again tried to login to the Rhapsody app on my iPod and was once again told I had entered an invalid password. Then I went to my computer and tried to log into the Rhapsody website and I was again told that my password was invalid.

  At this point I started to suspect that Rhapsody was having a problem but since there was the off chance that maybe I didn’t enter the new password correctly I went through the process of resetting my password. I made sure I knew what my new password was but the app and website would still not recognize my password which confirmed my suspicions that there was a problem in Rhapsody-land.

It never hurts to ask...

  At this point it was 5:30 and I needed to start my hour long drive home. I left a note for Rhapsody customer service telling them I expected a free month’s service for my inconvenience and drove home without any music except for the radio. Normally I wouldn’t have been too bothered about Rhapsody’s temporary snafu but I had really enjoyed listening to music all afternoon and had a playlist all picked out for my drive home. I think what bothered me most was that if I had left a few minutes earlier or the problem had erupted a few minutes later I would have been safely offline listening to my downloaded music and totally unaware there was a problem at all. I got home around 6:30 and after taking Daisy and Baxter on a walk I got an email from Rhapsody letting me know that they knew about the problem was being worked on. I went on Rhapsody’s Facebook page and saw that many other people were having the same problem. I woke up the next morning and was able to log into the app and all was well.

  All was well except that I didn’t have my free month of service. So I replied to the previous night’s email from Rhapsody to let them know that I wanted a free month’s service. And they wrote back to let me know that they were going to give it to me. It was so easy I’m thinking I should have asked for two months but one month is pretty generous for a few hours of outage. When I have problems with Mediacom cable or Internet and I ask for some money back they will throw a dollar or two my way but never an entire month of service.

and it never hurts to ask again...

  The next day I got another email from Rhapsody asking them to rate their customer service. I was a pretty satisfied customer with my free month of service I not only gave them a big Siskel and Ebert ‘2 Thumbs Up’ I left them a positive review on the iTunes store. After all I really do like the Rhapsody app and definitely wanted to give them some positive feedback for giving me a free month of service.

A free month of service is worth a good review from me!

   Our Marshalltown Chess Club had been in some serious downtime with Christmas and New Year’s both on Thursday and the first meeting of 2015 had its attendance cut down by a snowstorm. Last Thursday we had our first real club in a month and I spent almost the entire two hours playing this game with Seth. The game was a lot like my experience with Rhapsody two weeks ago: OK at first, then not so good, but satisfying at the end.

pgn4web chessboards courtesy of pgn4web.casaschi.net

In Search of an Oil Change

My search for car service competency took me to Toledo, Iowa - home of Thys Chevrolet

  I haven’t written about my Chevy Spark since last May and no news is good news. After a year and a half the Spark has about 43,000 miles on it and hasn’t left me stranded so I have to say so far, so good. One thing I can say about the Spark is that I’ve received three recall notices from GM in 19 months compared to zero recall notices on my now 5 year old Kia Rio so I have to assume that either Kia makes cars better than GM or GM checks their cars better than Kia.

  When I last wrote about my Chevy Spark I told the sad tale of how I waited over two hours at Ben’s Tire in Marshalltown getting my oil changed because they couldn’t get oil filters for the Spark from their normal supplier. I also told the happy story of how I was able to get my oil changed at Bob Brown’s Quick Lube Service center in Urbandale and avail myself of the wireless internet, free coffee and soda, and a complimentary car wash that didn’t clean my car. Before my next oil change was needed I got a recall notice. The Bob Brown Quick Lube doesn’t handle recalls so I called Clemons Chevrolet in Marshalltown to schedule my recall repair and also get my oil changed. The recall notice suggested I make the recall appointment well in advance so the dealer could have the parts ready so I made the appointment for the next week so Clemons would have time to get the recall parts.

  The next week I arranged to work from home on the appointment date, dropped the car off at Clemons at 7:30 and was told my car should be ready by 10 and I would get a call when it was done. I got a ride back home from Kathy and worked and waited for my car to be done. I waited until 10 and I waited until 12 and I waited until 2 and then I called the service department and was told that they would be done by 5. I asked why it took so long and was told that they had to wait for the parts because they didn’t have the recall parts in stock and had to order them from Des Moines. It made me glad I set this all up a week in advance and I wondered why they told me the car would be ready at 10 when I brought it in. All in all I wasn’t too surprised since this particular service department is one of the laziest I’ve ever encountered which is why I rarely go there. Years ago Kathy had a problem with our Chevy Venture minivan and brought it to this same service department and the ‘service advisor’ told her the repairs weren’t covered by the warranty. I called the ‘service advisor’ and asked how the repairs couldn’t be covered since we had one of those 100,000 mile extended warranties and the ‘service advisor’ said he didn’t check to see what kind of warranty I had and thought I had the standard warranty. I did get my car by 5 and it was probably a good thing for Clemons that I didn’t get one of those customer service surveys to fill out.

  I got my next oil change at Bob Brown’s Quick Lube Service Center and it was a different experience than my May encounter. There was a long line of cars waiting for oil changes so instead of pulling in a bay and going to the waiting area, I waited for over an hour outside in my car and while I could connect to their complimentary wireless network I couldn't connect to the internet. Once I got my car pulled in I went to the waiting area and got a free coffee but the wireless network still couldn’t connect to the internet. I couldn’t check my emails or do anything with my amazing iPod that wasn’t already loaded on it. When I paid I told the ‘service advisor’ the wireless internet wasn’t working and he said that they were thinking about adding a fiber optic line but this was the first he heard of the wireless internet not working. The ‘service advisor’ also told me that the tread on my tires were down to 5/32 of an inch and I should think about getting them replaced. I asked what I thought was a reasonable question which was how much tread came on the tires in the first place and the advisor told me that I’d have to ask where I bought the tires. I told him that these were the tires that came with the car so I was in fact asking where I bought the tires. The ‘service advisor’ then told me that he didn’t know and I told him that I probably could get the answer myself if the wireless internet was working. On the bright side the car wash worked perfectly (unlike my last visit).

  My next oil change was three months later and I went to the same Quick Lube Center in Urbandale. I know I didn’t need new tires because I had already gotten some at Freedom Tires who were so great about replacing my spare tire in 2012 when I lost my tire iron. I only had to wait a half hour in my car this time and when I got to the waiting area not only was the wireless internet still not working, there was no coffee and there were cups and soda and newspapers strewn all over the waiting area. When I paid my bill, I mentioned to the very same ‘service advisor’ I had dealt with two months ago that the wireless internet wasn’t working and the very same ‘service advisor’ said that they were thinking about adding a fiber optic line but this was the first he heard of the wireless internet not working.

You want the truth???

  I didn’t stick around for the car wash and the next week I received an email from Bob Brown asking how their service was. I asked if I can’t trust Bob Brown to get their wireless internet working or even tell the truth about it not working why am I trusting my car to them? I got an email back from the Service Manager saying this was the first HE heard about it and then I got another email from the Quick Lube Manager telling me that the person I spoke to is part time and laying out all the reasons and excuses that there wasn’t any wireless internet at the Quick Lube center. I noticed that the Service Manager didn't know about the wireless internet not being available for at least two months but the Quick Lube Manger was intimately involved with every detail of the situation. I got the impression that I was being told whatever would get me to stop complaining so I sent an email asking the Quick Lube Manager to let me know when the wireless internet was back working so I could consider going back to Bob Browns for my oil changes.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

  I was due for an oil change last week and also had another recall notice on my Spark. I didn’t want to go to Clemons and Bob Brown’s hadn’t written me back to let me know if their wireless internet was working. In August, the headlights on our Chevy Aveo stopped working and Ben’s Tire suggested we bring the car to a dealer since there was an electrical system recall with that may have caused the problem and allow the repairs to be made for free. We needed the car for Ben to bring back to school in Idaho the next week but when Kathy called Clemons they said she could bring the car down but couldn’t promise when they were going to look at it so Kathy took the car to Thys Chevrolet in Toledo and they looked at it and had it fixed within a day.

  That positive experience prompted me to call Thys two weeks ago to make an appointment for the recall work and oil change. I was using my last three vacation days of the year and scheduled my appointment for 8am on Tuesday (my last vacation day) the 30th for 8am. I had never been to Thys before and figured it would be like Clemons or Bob Brown with a waiting room with free coffee and soft drinks and hopefully working wireless internet. Tuesday morning I drove the 20 miles west to Toledo. I found Thys easily enough and dropped of my car at the service desk. The clerk asked me if I had someone coming to pick me up and I told him I didn’t. Then he said the parts they needed for the recall were supposed to arrive this morning.

  What went through my mind was ‘Oh no!! Here we go again. Another day wasted because somebody didn't have the oil filter or didn't bother ordering the parts’ What came out of my mouth was if the parts weren’t in by 10 to just forget it and I’d reschedule. The clerk told me that they would change my oil and the parts were ordered last week and would arrive in just a few minutes.

The service department 'waiting room' is short on amenities but there are other benefits to being a Thys customer....

  I went to the waiting area and it was very different from Bob Brown’s or Clemons. Instead of some brand new area with soft drink dispensers, flat screen TV’s, and cushy chairs, Thys had a corner of their tiny two car showroom equipped with a round table covered with newspapers and magazines with a half dozen plastic chairs surrounding it. There was a coffee pot and a soft drink machine that only charged 50 cents a can. There wasn’t wireless internet or even a place to plug in my iPod or computer.

  Luckily I had planned for the possibility of no internet or plugs and was prepared to go 'old school'. I pulled a chess book out of my computer bag, a small chess set out of my car, set up the chess board on one of the plastic chairs and went over the games from my book. Just before I got started, the clerk came out and told me the recall parts had arrived and my oil was being changed. It was nice not to have to sit and stew for a couple hours. I got myself a cup of coffee, poured some of the powdered creamer from Fareway into it and played over some games from my chess book. At 9:30, the clerk came out and said my car was all finished so I packed up my stuff, paid, left, and was home by 10 am.

  The waiting area was not the only difference between Thys and Clemons and Bob Browns. Thys didn’t have the amenities in the waiting room or a brand new showroom but they provided the ultimate amenity – they got my car in and out without making it take all day and without any phony excuses. All the new car dealer service departments have elaborate waiting areas designed for a positive user experience with wireless internet, big screen TV’s, and free beverages and snacks. These are all great features but along the way I think the dealers have forgotten the main reason a customer chooses an operation to service their car in the first place and that reason is trust. I bring my cars to Ben’s Tires because I trust them and the only reason I don’t have them change the oil in my Spark is because they don’t stock the oil filter for it. When they tell me a tire is worn down or I need a new belt I have them do it because I trust them and when I have a bigger problem I know I can bring it to them and they will fix it and not do a lot of unneeded work. I don't know anything about cars so I have to trust the repair shop but how can I trust Clemons when they don’t bother ordering parts or a Bob Browns when they dismiss problems by saying it was the first they ever heard of it or pass along my question about how much tread is on my tires to where I got the them until they realize that I got the tires from them in the first place. I don’t know when I am going to get another car but when I do Thys will get the first shot at my business.

Telling it like it is!

The Pizza Ranch Chicken Blues

  My birthday was last month and the Pizza Ranch of Marshalltown sent me their annual birthday letter with ‘buy one get one free’ coupons for their pizza buffet, 8 pieces of chicken, and a pizza. Last year I took my birthday off from work and used the buffet coupon to take Kathy to the Pizza Ranch for lunch to celebrate. We got there a little before noon and while we liked the salad bar, the fried chicken was greasy, the pizza so-so, the mashed potatoes crusty, the staff non-existent, the ice cream runny, and there was this group of people two tables over that were loudly discussing how much they drank and vomited the night before, occasionally interrupting their reminiscences with impromptu belching contests. The best part of my birthday lunch was that I didn’t pay full price.

Happy Birthday to me!

  Since that unfine dining experience, I hadn’t been to a Pizza Ranch until I went to the one in Jackson, Minnesota in August when I accompanied a group of chess players after we finished playing in the Jackson Open. It was late and the buffet was closed but we were hungry and it was the only restaurant in town still open after 8pm. Everyone else had a personal pizza but I was worried about falling asleep on the 4 hour drive home with a pizza in my gut so I ordered a side of garlic cheese bread instead. The garlic cheese bread was great – thick soft bread with a generous layer of gooey pizza cheese on top. It was so awesome that the next weekend I dragged Kathy to the Pizza Ranch in Marshalltown so she could have some of this great garlic cheese bread I discovered at the Pizza Ranch. Unfortunately, Marshalltown, Iowa is not the equal of Jackson, Minnesota when it comes to Pizza Ranch garlic cheese bread. Kathy’s garlic cheese bread was dry with a thin layer of burnt brown cheese on top and she thought I must have been so crazed with hunger in Jackson that anything I ate would have been the best food ever.

  My birthday came and went and the Pizza Ranch coupons sat by my computer unused until 2 weeks ago when I decided to take Kathy out for dinner at the Pizza Ranch. We got there during the dinner hour. The place was packed and there were Pizza Ranch workers everywhere. We paid for the buffet and found a table. I got some fried chicken and Kathy had some pizza. The chicken was fresh and not greasy like it was every other time I’d eaten it. I had some mashed potatoes and they were also fresh. I got more chicken and some salad from the salad bar and enjoyed everything. Kathy had some salad and some more pizza. The staff was buzzing all over the restaurant picking up empty plates and offering hot fruit covered desert pizza to the customers without them having to get out of their chairs. We each had some ice cream from the soft-serve machine and it was so thick that we could hold the cones upside down and nothing would spill out.

A well deserved outstanding review!

  It was a great dining experience and changed my mind about the Pizza Ranch 100%. I wrote a very complimentary review on Google+ about my experience. I spent the next week looking at my two remaining Pizza Ranch coupons. I thought quite a bit about getting the chicken. On Sunday I consulted my two fried chicken consultants who were unanimous in encouraging me to go ahead and order the chicken so at 4:15 I called the Pizza Ranch to find out how much eight pieces of chicken cost.

My fried chicken consultants nodded their heads so fast at the thought of getting 16 pieces of fried chicken I could hardly get a clear picture!

  I was told that eight pieces of chicken cost $11.99. This seemed a little high to me but I had the buy one get one free coupon and 16 pieces of fried chicken at $11.99 is quite a good deal so after verifying that my eight pieces of chicken was going to be an entire chicken and not a mutant chicken like the kind I get at Haley’s Deli (three legs, four wings, no thighs, and one breast) I asked if I should just head down to the Pizza Ranch or if I needed to let them know in advance. The Pizza Ranch phone person said I should let them know in advance so I wouldn’t have to wait. I ordered the 16 pieces of chicken and the Pizza Ranch phone person took my name and number and said I could pick up my chicken in 20 minutes.

  It was 4:20 so I watched some football for 15 minutes before heading the three miles south to the Pizza Ranch. I arrived at 4:40 and got in line behind a group of three couples that were getting the buffet. Finally it was my turn. I gave my name and the cashier said ‘Oh, you ordered the chicken.’ She said it would just be a few minutes and gave me a cup and said I could have a free soda while I was waiting.

  I took a seat at a small table close to the cashier. The Pizza Ranch dining room was pretty full and there was a birthday party in the large privte room. Staff members were buzzing all over the restaurant bringing out fresh food from the kitchen and picking up empty plates and glasses. The buffet seemed to have an ample amount of chicken. There was an older lady at the table next to me holding a bag containing two takeout boxes. She didn’t look very happy. A staff member asked her what she was waiting for and she said ‘I’m still waiting for my chicken’. It was almost 4:50 and I suspected I might have a problem. The staff member said he would check on her chicken and I set the alarm on my amazing iPod to 5:05 and started doing chess puzzles from my Chessimo app. In a couple of minutes a staff member gave the old lady at the table next to me a box of chicken and she was on her way with a mutter and a grumble.

  At 5:05 my alarm went off a full 45 minutes after I ordered my chicken over the phone and I was still sitting at this small table. I didn’t see any point in making a scene so I went to the counter, waited behind some people paying for the buffet, and when it was my turn I told the cashier that I was very sorry but I had to go and I wanted my money back. The cashier offered to check on my chicken. I said I was very sorry but I needed to go and I wanted my money back. The cashier then said she had to ask the manager and disappeared into the kitchen.

  After a few minutes the cashier and the manager both came out. The manager had two boxes of chicken. I was about to tell the manager that I wanted my money back but she went straight to the register, started counting money out, and said “I’m giving you the money back and you can have the chicken too.” I wasn’t mad at Pizza Ranch. I kind of felt sorry for them being so incompetent they couldn’t manage frying a couple of chickens and putting them in a box in less than 45 minutes. When I worked at the Roy Rogers fast food restaurant we had two chicken fryers with 16 piece baskets. The chickens took a couple of minutes to prep and 9 minutes to fry. No one ever waited a half hour for their chicken.

  There was no reason not to have my chicken ready except someone forgot to make it and once I arrived at the restaurant there was no way I should have had to wait 25 minutes to get my chicken and even then it only made an appearance after I said I wanted my money back. I thanked the manager for giving me my money back but told her that she could keep her chicken. The cashier held up the chicken and waved it like I wave Daisy and Baxter’s beef sticks in front of them to get their attention and said “Are you sure you don’t want the chicken?”. I was pretty tempted to say a lot of things, but I just said “Keep the chicken." The manager rolled her eyes and gave me my money and I was out the door and home at 5:15, almost a full hour after I decided to order the chicken in the first place.

I wish I could have added more good comments to my review instead of 'The Rest of the Story'...

  My fried chicken consultants were disappointed when I didn’t come home with the chicken and will probably be apoplectic when they discover that I not only could have had the chicken but I could have had it for free. I was pretty proud of myself for not blowing my top at the Pizza Ranch. If I had taken the free chicken it would have given them the impression that their customer service wasn’t important since they could just buy someone off with some free food whenever they dropped the ball. I like to think I saved at least a few future Pizza Ranch customers from waiting for their chicken over the next few weeks. And besides it would have taken me and my consultants a week to eat all that chicken and I’ll get another coupon next year.

My fried chicken consultants were very disappointed that I didn't bring home any chicken.
Hopefully they won't read this post and find out I could have had it for free.

Shine On

A warning light! Uh-oh...

  I’ve had my 2013 Chevy Spark for almost a year now and so far it has been a dependable car. It hasn’t broken down and it gets 37 miles per gallon. I do have a couple of quibbles. Even though my Spark is a 4-door sedan, it's so small that I can’t take my chess tournament stuff AND 2 passengers so when I take anyone to one of my youth tournaments I have to travel in my trusty Kia Rio instead of my new Chevy Spark. About four months ago the low tire pressure light started coming on in the middle of my drive to and from work. The light blinks for a minute and then goes steady but turns off after around 10 minutes. The blinking light means a tire has low pressure but when it turns steady after a minute it means the sensor that tells me a tire has low pressure is malfunctioning. I called the dealer and they said to bring the car into the service department when the light is on but by the time I get to work the light has already turned off so after every drive to and from work this blinking light comes on and I am left to wonder if I have a tire going flat or if I have a malfunctioning sensor which it has been so far.

  My other problem with the Chevy Spark isn’t a problem with the car per se but it is a problem nonetheless. Ben’s Tires, the place I've used to get my oil changes, tires, new clutches, and routine maintenance in all my cars over the past 15 years cannot get the oil filter for my car from their usual oil filter supplier. They have to get it directly from the dealer. The first time I went to get the Spark’s oil changed at Ben’s they took the oil out, realized they couldn’t get the filter from their supplier and that the local Chevy dealer was closed on Saturday, and put new oil back in the car while replacing the old filter. They ordered the filter from the dealer and the next week put the new filter on the car with some new oil. Kelcy the owner told me she would always keep one or two of the filters in stock so I could keep getting my oil changed there and I didn't have a problem until this February when I went to get my oil changed on a Saturday only to be told they didn't have a filter and the dealer's parts department was closed but would order some and I could come back next week for my oil change.

  I like and trust Ben’s Tires so I didn't get too upset over them not having the filter in stock but all the same I decided to call ahead the next time I was going to get the Spark’s oil changed. I had to work late a couple of days the next week and found myself leaving work at 12 for a rare afternoon off. On the way home I mentally took stock of the things I could get done during the afternoon and when I got home at 1pm I called Ben’s Tires and asked if they had a filter in stock for my Chevy Spark. The owner told me she did so after a quick lunch, I found myself at Ben’s Tires at 1:30.

  Ben’s Tires is not known for their quick service – in fact the owner Kelcy likes to take pictures of the customers who fall asleep waiting for their cars and post them on facebook (you can see them here) – but I have never waited more than a half hour for my oil change. There are a lot of old barber chairs to sit in and free coffee and donuts. I gave Kelcy my keys, got a semi-stale donut and fresh coffee and sat down in a barber chair watching a rerun of Will & Grace on the TV and the ensuing hilarity of best friends Will (single and gay) and Grace (single and straight) sharing a New York City apartment as best friends and the odd situations they encounter due to their unconventional living arrangement with a convenient laugh track provided so you will know when it is OK to laugh without seeming politically incorrect. I don’t care much for the Friends and How I Met Your Mother buddy-buddy types of shows and I don’t care much for Will & Grace either but I sat down and watched all the same since I didn't plan on being there long anyway.

  After the first episode, another episode of Will & Grace came on and in the middle of the second episode, a mechanic came out and told Kelcy that the dealer sent the wrong filter for my car. Kelcy called the dealer and after the beginnings of a civil discussion she started yelling that they must have send the wrong filter because the one they sent didn't fit on the Chevy Cruze. At that point I interjected and mentioned that I owned a Chevy Spark and not a Chevy Cruze and Kelcy made nice with the person on the other end of the phone and called herself an idiot and called him honey and asked if he could run an oil filter for a Chevy Spark up to her shop. She hung up the phone and told me that they would bring it right away and I sat back down in the barber chair just as the Will & Grace episode was ending with a voice telling me to stay tuned because another Will & Grace episode was coming up next.

  At that point I must have dozed off because I came to as the third Will & Grace episode was ending with a voice telling me to stay tuned because another Will & Grace episode was coming up next. I don't know if Kelcy took my picture when I was sleeping but if she did it isn't up on facebook yet. I made a mental note to find out what channel was on so I could gouge those buttons out of my remote control when I got home and went to check on my car, which was still in the garage up on the lift in a filterless condition. I asked Kelcy if the dealer had brought the filter yet and she said not yet but they would bring it up right away. At that point I was ready to just drive my car off the lot without any oil but instead I called Kathy and asked her to get me since I didn't really want to spend the other half of my afternoon off watching Will & Grace.

  Kathy got me and drove me back around 4:45 - 15 minutes before quitting time at Ben’s Tires. My Chevy Spark was sitting happily in the parking lot so I walked in to Ben’s, paid my bill and drove my Chevy Spark home. I decided the next time I needed an oil change for the Spark I'd go to the dealer where I bought the car: Bob Brown’s Chevrolet in Des Moines who presumably would have a filter. Normally I wouldn't travel to Des Moines to get an oil change but the bank I've been assigned to work at for the last few months is only a few miles away from the dealership. I left work a little early on Friday and headed over to the Bob Browns’ Quick Lube where no appointment is needed. I pulled right into a bay, told the clerk that I wanted an oil change, and headed to the customer waiting area.

Welcome to Bob Brown's Quick Lube center. I sampled the free soda and wireless internet while my Chevy Spark hid amongst the big trucks...

  I hadn't had any service at Bob Brown’s since my terrible experiences in 2006 (which I wrote about here) when they were located on the Merle Hay Auto Mile. Since then they moved to a huge space off Rt. 80’s Exit 126 in Urbandale and I have to say the waiting room at Bob Brown’s is pretty impressive. While Ben’s Tires has coffee with powdered creamer, donuts and Will & Grace on the TV, Bob Browns has coffee with flavored liquid creamers, pastries, and Jeopardy on the TV. But that’s not all! Bob Brown’s waiting room also has a free soda dispenser with fine Coca-Cola products and wireless internet. I sat down, plugged in my amazing iPod (which at the ripe old age of two doesn't hold a charge very long), checked my email on the Internet, and before I knew it the Spark’s oil was changed and after paying my bill ($43 which is $12 more than Ben’s Tires – someone needs to pay for the free soda, I guess) I was on my way. I was offered a coupon for a free car wash but I wanted to get home so I passed but after spending so much time at Ben’s Tires and so little time at Bob Brown’s I channeled my inner Arnold and told the clerk "I'll be back!".

When you drive over a hundred miles a day, your car can get pretty dirty...

  And I was back. I took last Thursday off from work to drop Kathy off at the airport in Des Moines and on the way back home to beagle-sit I stopped at Bob Brown’s Quick Lube to get my oil changed. I pulled up to the bay, told the service attendant I needed an oil change, headed to the customer waiting area, made myself an ice cold Cherry Coke (ice is also available!), and sat down with my iPod to check my mail. My iPod had hardly had any time to run down when the attendant came out to let me know my car was ready. I paid my bill and again got a free coupon for the car wash but this time I decided to use the coupon since I had time and my car was filthy.

In goes the coupon and one car wash later....

  My coupon was only good for the 'Classic' car wash – a $7 value. I resisted the urge to upsize my car wash to the $9 DELUXE package with the underbody wash and sealer wax or the $11 ULTIMATE package with the underbody wash and sealer wax AND TripleFoam Polish, but I was so taken with my free soda and excellent customer service that I decided to photograph before and after pictures of my Chevy Spark’s car wash so I could extol their praises in my blog. I put my coupon in the dispenser, pulled my car into the bay and I was on my way to a clean car.

  The car stayed stationary as this giant machine on rails passed over my car in multiple passes spraying water in varying degrees of pressure. I was a little concerned that I never saw any sign of soap or foam. But after several passes past my car which took about as much time as a segment of Will & Grace that fills the time between commercial breaks the giant contraption stopped, the 'Exit Now' sign flashed and I drove out of the car wash bay.

  I pulled over to see the results of the free car wash I got with my $43 oil change and was unpleasantly surprised to see that only a minimal amount of dirt was removed from my car. The front of the car was still covered with insects and insect by-products and the only clean part of the back of the car was where my fingers had removed some of the grime when I open the hatchback. It looked like the touchless car wash had barely touched my vehicle.

...except for the water marks this could have been the before picture!

  I ended up washing my Chevy Spark in Marshalltown at the Rainbow do it yourself car wash on Sunday afternoon. It took ten minutes and cost $4.50 in quarters. I’m still pretty happy with my two oil changes at Bob Brown's and will go there again and I'll go to Ben’s Tires for everything else on all my cars except the Spark's oil changes. I'm hoping someday Ben's will have filters for the Chevy Spark, offer free soda, and have wireless internet in their waiting room but I can't hold it against them for not having a car wash since after all, neither does Bob Brown.

I took my Chevy Spark to the Rainbow Car Wash in Marshalltown on Sunday. A few minutes of elbow grease and...

Viola! ... A clean car!

  As fate would have it on Monday I received an email from cars.com asking me to fill out a quick survey about my service experience at Bob Brown's. I filled out the survey and gave them a top mark for customer service and a middling grade for their facilities which would be the average of the excellent waiting room and the terrible car wash. Then I was asked to fill out a review which I did. In the review I wrote (you can find it here under May 19th):

Great Oil Change - Awful Car Wash
I came to Bob Brown's Quick Lube for an oil change. I was in and out in 20 minutes without an appointment and there was wireless internet and free soda. The clerk was excellent and let me know about a recall I needed to get taken care of. $43 is a bit much for an oil change but it does come with a compimentary (sic) car wash coupon. The CAR WASH was the WORST - MY CAR WAS JUST AS DIRTY AFTERWARDS AS IT WAS BEFORE. At least I got my money's worth from the coupon.

  I didn't realize that my review was going to be posted on the Internet but now that it has been I hope I don't get a special recall notice to install an ejector seat in my Spark!