It's time once again for America's favorite beagles - Baxter and Daisy to take their turn at the helm of the Broken Pawn and provide their legion of readers with another guest blog!
I think we've critiqued Hank’s writing enough, Daisy. We should tell our readers about the big news. And big news it is, Baxter! The week before last Hank and Kathy left us alone in the house early in the morning but Kathy didn’t come back! Hank came home all by himself in the morning instead of coming home in the evening like he normally does when he goes to work. We were wondering what happened to Kathy. Hank said she went to help Ben come back from college and would be home in a few days. First Hank went to Okoboji and then Kathy went away. The only ones who don’t get to take trips are us! That’s right Baxter! So we complained to Hank by barking and howling and he decided that we would have a staycation until Kathy came home. A staycation is like a vacation except for the traveling. We decided we wanted to have a taste test during our staycation. I wanted to sample fast food hamburgers! I wanted to sample pizza! YUM!! I love PIZZA! We couldn’t make up our minds so we decided to compromise. We decided on having a fried chicken taste test! YUM!! I love FRIED CHICKEN! I also wanted to watch a movie on our staycation so I told Hank to rent ‘Under Siege 2’ starring Steven Seagal. We watched ‘Under Siege’ and loved it. Steven plays Chef Casey Ryback who also happens to be a Navy Seal martial arts expert. Steven Seagal is so dreamy! He could make fried chicken for me anytime! And after we ate all the fried chicken we could go beat up some bad guys!
Haley's chicken box may lack in presentation, but they more than make up for it with great taste! YUM!!
Haley's – 4 paws
On Friday Hank left us alone for a few hours while he went to teach chess in Des Moines but when he came back he had 3 movies and one of them was ‘Under Siege 2’. We watched ‘Under Siege 2’ in the afternoon. The action was great but Steven Seagal hardly did any cooking. He was making his niece a birthday cake when the bad guys took over the train. If it wasn’t for those evil men I bet Steven would have cooked meals for the entire train! The action scenes were really cool. Steven ran back and forth on top of the train and beat up all the bad guys. He kept staring in the camera with his dreamy brown eyes. I loved it when he beat up bad guy leader Penn and says ‘No one beats me in the kitchen’. Hee…Hee
I just wish there was more cooking action in the movie. Anyway after the movie Hank left again but came back with KFC chicken. YUM! Hank got two legs and a thigh like last time but KFC had mashed potatoes and cole slaw for his sides and a biscuit plus he got a soda. And it only cost him $7.70. Hank got the original recipe chicken. The box was really big but he must have gotten a malnourished chicken. The legs were so tiny I needed a magnifying glass to find them. It may have been one of those genetically modified chickens bred to have extra wings and legs. There wasn’t very much meat on the chicken legs but what was there was delicious. I’ll say!! The chicken was tender and the skin was really good. YUM!! Hank should get extra legs next time so we have more meat. There was more meat on the Haley’s chicken. I wan’t happy with the small chicken legs but I really liked the taste. As long as KFC was less expensive than the Haley’s chicken I’ll go ahead and give them four paws for value, Baxter. I’ll give them four paws also since they did give Hank a soda but they better get some bigger legs for our next taste test.
KFC – 4 paws
On Saturday Hank stayed home with us all day. We watched the Amazing Spider-Man 2. I didn’t like the movie, Daisy. There wasn’t any food in it. That’s right Baxter. The action was fine but as beagles we want to see food in our movies. You would think that if SpiderMan loved Gwen Stacy so much he would take her out to dinner or lunch. And Spider-Man’s Aunt May never cooked any food for him in the whole movie. She could have least made some cookies…or spaghetti with meatballs…or some fried chicken!! YUM! It’s no wonder Spider-Man is so full of teenage angst. He never gets anything to eat. And his girlfriend died in the movie and his movie deal with Sony got cancelled too. Now that Marvel Studios will be making Spider-Man movies I bet he’ll eat more and be happier too. I know I’d be.
Speaking of eating, after watching the movie Hank left. But he came back with fried chicken from the Hy-Vee! YUM!! Once again, Hank got a three piece chicken dinner with two legs and a thigh. But this time he got macaroni and cheese and green beans with ham for his sides! Once again there was a biscuit but no soda at the Hy-Vee. And the meal cost $9.62. Hy-Vee’s had the biggest pieces of chicken we saw all weekend! Their chickens must have been taking steroids! They were big but very dry and not nearly as tasty as Haley’s or KFC. The ham in the green beans was outstanding though. It was the only one of Hank’s sides that I liked. Cole slaw? Ewww…. I love cole slaw when that’s all there is to eat. I didn’t think the Hy-Vee chicken tasted dry at all. Of course I ate it so fast I never had a chance to taste it! There was a lot of chicken so I’m giving the Hy-Vee four paws. The Hy-Vee chicken was dry and expensive but there was a lot of it and I liked the side of green beans and ham so I’m going to give them four paws also.
Hy-Vee – 4 paws
Sunday was the last day of our vacation, Daisy. The only place left to get fried chicken from was the Pizza Ranch. That’s right Baxter. But Hank is still mad about the time he had to wait a half hour for his chicken and decided he wasn’t going to get any chicken from the Pizza Ranch. I was so sad. We did get a lot of walks and beef sticks though. And then we saw another movie. This time we watched the latest Fantastic Four movie. What an awful movie. So slow and boring. Another movie where no one eats anything. No wonder it bombed. They did have some Chinese takeout one time, Baxter. That’s right. But it was a short scene and all I saw were some noodles. The least they could have done was show the Fantastic Four eating red chicken like we get from the China Buffet. YUM!! I love red chicken from the China Buffet. If the Fantastic Four had eaten better maybe they wouldn’t have had to go to another dimension to get super powers. Hunger does strange things to people, Baxter. It took half the movie for them to get their powers and then it took the rest of the movie for them to have their one fight with Dr. Doom. BORING! Dr. Doom was so upset that he couldn’t get anything to eat in the movie he tried to destroy the entire earth. Luckily the Fantastic Four stopped them! I thought after saving the world there would be a celebration with at least some finger food but all they did was talk until the movie ended. BORING! I’ll say. I took a nap during the end of the movie.
Then after we went to bed on Sunday night Kathy came home with Ben! We barked and howled. We were so noisy Hank woke up and let us downstairs to say hi. Now Hank and Kathy are both home and our vacation is over, Baxter. There’s just one problem. What’s that, Daisy? We gave four paws to all the chicken from Hy-Vee, KFC, and Haley’s. We didn’t have a fried chicken taste test winner. That’s no problem, Daisy. We’ll just have a fried chicken-off for our next vacation! That’s a great idea, Baxter! I can’t wait for our next vacation. Me neither! I love fried chicken! YUM!!