Scattered, Covered, Smothered, Chunked, Capped, Peppered, Topped, Old, and Alone

The best part of any trip to Kansas City!

  I took my first day off since starting my 6-month contract in Urbandale last Friday to go with Kathy to Kansas City for my niece Lauren’s wedding. I am not eager to take many long trips and am not much of a wedding person either but I was happy to make an exception for my niece since she is OK in my book, I get along with her parents quite well, and besides Kathy promised we could eat at one of the many area Waffle Houses while we were in Kansas City.

  I spend the week leading up to Friday distracted by the prospects of my first Waffle House meal since last September when we went to Gaffney, South Carolina to attend my father-in-law’s retirement dinner. There are no Waffle Houses in Iowa or my native New Jersey. I had to wait until I was 26 and living in Florida to fall in love with Waffle House staples like T-Bone and eggs and hash browns scattered (on the grill), smothered (in onions) and covered (in cheese). Since then the Waffle House has expanded their menu, now offering hash browns chunked (with ham), capped (with mushrooms), diced (with tomatoes), peppered (with jalapeno peppers), topped (with chili) and country (covered in country gravy) in addition to scattered, smothered, and covered.

After dropping off Ringo the mourning dove to his rescue center, we stopped for gas at the Cameron, Missouri Valero - home of $2.59 gas and 99 cent 16 oz. Cokes. With gas in Iowa at $2.89 and 16 oz. Coke cans $1.19 I wonder why Missouri is so cheap?

  Finally, Friday morning came. Kathy and I walked Daisy and Baxter on a mile and half round trip walk to the Casey’s for me to get a coffee and give the beagles a beef stick treat. When we got home we hung out until 9am and took another walk with the beagles before taking them and our suitcases to the car for a ride. Daisy and Baxter were thrilled to be in the car until we stopped at the Happy Tails doggie day care where they were to be boarded until Sunday afternoon. After a little coaxing the beagles made their way into the back of the kennel and we were on our way to Kansas City.

  There was a side trip to Des Moines with our temporary guest Ringo the mourning dove. Kathy found Ringo unable to fly a week before and put him in an old birdcage in the garage. The Saturday before we let Ringo loose and he flew away but a few hours later we found him in the driveway with a cut on his head like he flew into a window. Kathy put him in the garage again and found a bird rescue person in Des Moines to take Ringo in. After the side trip we were on our way to Kansas City.

  The original plan was to have Sunday breakfast at the Waffle House on our way back home but we were making such good time we didn’t stop for lunch. There was no argument from me when Kathy say a Waffle House sign in Liberty and suggested we stop there to eat. In 2015 I also ate at the Waffle House in Liberty but after looking at the Waffle House store locator there doesn’t seem to be a Liberty, Missouri location so I must have been in a different town altogether. I didn’t recognize this Waffle House as being the same one as last time which was a welcome surprise because it was way cleaner. The grill, pans, and waffle irons were sparkling and there was no food covered tables like my last visit.

  We sat at the counter and our server came over to greet us and ask us what we wanted to drink. I asked for a coffee and Kathy a glass of water. Kathy then ordered scrambled eggs with toast while I had hash browns ‘all the way’ except for peppers and country gravy. The server gave our order to the cook who proceeded to expertly place the hash browns and all the toppings on the grill while frying Kathy’s eggs and laying down the toast. The server then started talking to the cook about how he was mad at his mother for disrespecting his friends when they came to his house to play video games in the basement. Then the server told the cook that he told his mother that he was going to move out now that he had this job at the Waffle House and that she was going to die “old and alone and feeding cats”. The cook had that look of someone who had heard this story once or twice and went to the back room, returning a few seconds later with four cases of eggs (15 dozen eggs in a case) which he proceeded to place in metal racks while keeping an eye on our food.

  The server apparently wanted the cook’s undivided attention and wasn’t getting it so he went to a booth on the other side of the Waffle House (there was only two other diners in the restaurant) and got on his phone where he told the person on the other end of the conversation that his f@#$% mother had disrespected his friends and that he was f#$%^ sick of her disrespecting his friends and now that he had this F%^&( job at the Waffle house he was going to move out and his mother was going to f^&*)* die old and alone and feeding cats. He then went into the restaurant’s back room where I could see him waving his arms like a bird while he was yelling behind the thankfully soundproof door.

The cook put 720 eggs in baskets for the next day's breakfast while creating my hash brown masterpiece!

  While we were waiting for our food I struck a conversation with the cook. Since he was putting his four cases of eggs into baskets I asked him how many eggs this Waffle House sold on a Saturday morning. He pointed to the four cases and told me that in a typical Saturday morning from 6 to 8 he would use four cases of 15 dozen eggs which works out to 720 eggs in a couple of hours! At that point the cook excused himself and got the server from the back room to give us our food. You would never guess that the server had spent the last ten or so minutes cursing at his mother by how pleasantly he served our food. He was so busy with his personal matter he had forgotten to get my coffee and Kathy’s water so I asked him how my wife’s water was coming along. I thought he was going to curse at me but he said he was sorry, got us our drinks, and disappeared in the back room to resume his phone conversation.

  The scattered, covered, smothered, topped, chunked, diced, and capped has browns were awesome and well worth the trip. Kathy liked her eggs and toast as well but not as much as I enjoyed my hash browns which is my personal highlight of 2018. The other two diners were ready to leave but the server was still in the back room so the hard-working cook took over the register. The other diners used a credit card and the server had the pen so the cook had to get the server out of the back room again. The server came out and helped the two diners and gave me our check while he was at it. We were about done so I waited for the serve to start for the back room before I got up to pay. I told the cook I thought his hash browns were awesome and didn’t give the server any tip at all but I did ask him for a paper receipt after he gave me my change and closed the cash drawer in a futile attempt to get him to curse at me. I suppose I’m not the motherly type.

  The next day and a half was full of food in addition to my niece’s wedding. There was barbecued brisket, ribs, beef, sausage, and chicken at the rehearsal dinner. After that we ate ice cream at the fantastic Betty Rae’s Ice Cream where I had a plum chocolate chip parfait with berries. The next morning at the wedding brunch I had a hot ham and cheese sandwich. After the wedding there was another dinner with salmon, pasta, and tacos. All this food and ice cream was great but paled in comparison to the hash browns I had on Friday afternoon at the Waffle House.

Great ice cream and great weddings are incredible but ultimately everything pales next to an incredible plate of Waffle House food!

  The wedding was super and I enjoyed hanging out with my in-laws but by Sunday morning I was ready to get back to the Waffle House for a farewell to Kansas City breakfast. The problem was that torrential rains in the Kansas City area and the tendency of the area to have flooding made us decided to skip the Waffle House and get away from the storm as soon as possible. It was a good plan that seemed like a great plan when we drove through two flooded sections of road but was undone when we were one of at least four cars to have a flat tire in a two mile stretch after the second flooded section. We changed the tire in the downpour and made our way out of Missouri and into Iowa where the skies cleared to reveal a sunny day after all. We were home by 2pm and picked up a very happy pair of beagles from the Happy Tails kennel a couple of hours later.

  It was an eventful trip to say the least with the best event being the awesome hash browns at the Waffle House in Kansas City. I was a little upset when I realized I didn’t get a picture of our Waffle House server at first but soon came to the conclusion that he needs his job more than I needed to print his picture and if the server lost his job the biggest victim would be his mother (who probably can’t wait to die old and alone and feeding cats).

No Waffling

Amid the tangle of signs, roads, and stores in Gaffney, South Carolina a vision comes into view...

  This past Thursday I took a trip to South Carolina with Kathy to visit her dad, Walt. Walt is retiring from the college where he had worked for the past 25 years and he was being thrown a big retirement party. There were a number of reason I didn’t want to take this trip. The first reason is I hate flying. The second reason is that taking two days off work is taking two days’ pay off the table since I became a paid consultant in February and don’t get the benefits of sick days or vacation time. The third reason is that we have to board Daisy and Baxter and I don’t especially like to leave my favorite beagles in anyone’s care but mine.

  The main reason I shouldn’t have gone didn’t become apparent until the trip itself. An old friend of Walt’s was also going to South Carolina and had arranged to take the same plane with us and was going to stay in the same hotel with us and we were going to take her with us. The friend was very nice but was also handicapped which meant that she had to ride in the passenger seat of the car where ever we went while Kathy drove. This left me in the back seat with our son Matt and his wife. After being in a cramped airplane and then being on numerous cramped car rides and watching a football game on bleacher seats my back and legs were super sore from being twisted and cramped for hours on end. I know that this is a first world problem but it was my first world problem so I decided to give it the name of DPS for Distressed Passenger Syndrome and since I couldn’t find any references to it I have applied for a trademark and hopefully will be able to market an entire line of DPS™ merchandise in the future.

  Aside from my bout of DPS™, there were plenty of good points to the vacation. I got to hang out with Walt, sister-in-law Megan, brother-in-law Shawn and his family. I got a tour of the college, plenty of meals, and a great seat to the football game between the Limestone Saints and Catawba Indians. And this is before the highlight of my trip which was to eat at my favorite restaurant, the Waffle House for the first time in over a year!

Here is my father-in-law Walt with the brand new Chevy Malibu from his retirement dinner.
The portrait was done a few years back and will stay at the college forever.

  Thursday was full of travel. Up at 3:30, drive to Cedar Rapids by 6, arriving at Charlotte by 11:30, and then taking a van to Gaffney, South Carolina where we arrived at Walt’s house. Megan had a huge lunch spread waiting for us. We ate and then headed to the Hampton Inn where we were staying. There was time for a quick nap and then it was time to put on a suit for the first time in years and head to the retirement dinner. The dinner was at a real upscale facility with an open bar and servers bringing appetizers around. We mingled and then sat down for the dinner where Walt was lauded for his 25 years of stellar service to the college. He was presented with the Order of the Palmetto which is the highest civilian honor awarded by the state of South Carolina and a new Chevy Malibu among other gifts. By the time the dinner was over and we got back to the hotel it was after midnight east coast time which was 20 hours after I had woken up the day before in Marshalltown, Iowa.

  Over 20 years of waking up at 4am to walk beagles have rendered me incapable of sleeping late so I woke up on Friday at 5am east coast time. I worked for a half hour and played chess on the internet for a half hour. And then I played for another half hour. And another half hour. I just kept on playing until it was 9am and it was too late to go to the Waffle House because Kathy was up and Walt’s friend was knocking at the door to eat at the hotel’s free breakfast room. After that Kathy took Walt’s friend shopping for a half hour and I played more internet chess. Then we spend the day eating lunch (at the Olive Garden), having a tour of the campus on a golf cart, and then driving almost two and a half hours round trip back to Charlotte to visit Kathy’s brother and his family.

From the humble Waffle House kitchen comes the most amazing food!

  All the driving and riding on a golf cart aggravated my of DPS™ but the ride back was better because there were only two people in the back seat on the drive back. We once again got home near midnight and I once again woke up around 5am east coast time and I once again worked for a half hour but instead of succumbing to my internet chess addiction Kathy and I walked a mile to the nearby Waffle House. We arrived around seven and the restaurant was almost empty except for a lady who was sitting in the prime location at the end of the counter with a view of the entire kitchen. Thinking quickly, I angled Kathy and me to the booth that was closest to the grill. Our waitress Dee asked us what we wanted. Kathy had a waffle and eggs with orange juice. I had plenty of time to eat and plenty of time to digest with no long car trips scheduled to trigger another bout of DPS™ so I ordered the meal that was my staple of the last century when I lived for a couple of years in Florida : A T-Bone steak with eggs, toast, hash browns, and grits. The only thing I forgot was to load up my hash browns with all the toppings (SCATTERED on the grill, SMOTHERED with onions, COVERED with cheese, CHUNKED with ham, DICED with tomatoes, PEPPERED with jalapenos, CAPPED with mushrooms, TOPPED with Bert’s Chili, and COUNTRY slathered in Sausage Gravy. I knew I forgot when Dee told the cook she needed hash in the ring which meant a plain order of hash browns. It was ok, though, because my grits were almost immediately put in front of me and before I could devour the giant bowl two more plates full of food were headed my way. I pounded down my eggs, toast, and hash browns and saved the giant T-bone steak for last. All the food was awesome and brought me back to happier times of eating at the Waffle House every day when I lived in Florida, completely banishing thoughts of my DPS™. Kathy enjoyed her breakfast but not as much as I did because no one could have enjoyed a meal as much as I enjoyed my T-Bone with eggs, toast, hash browns, and grits. I chatted a little with Dee the waitress about how great it must be to work in the Waffle House, gladly paid the $22 check, and left a big tip with the anticipation of getting back to the Waffle House before our early flight out on Sunday.

The Limestone Saints and Catawba Indians played an entertaining and competitive Division II football game.

  Saturday was the day of the big college football game between the Limestone College Saints and the Catawba College Indians from Salisbury, North Carolina. It was a nice warm afternoon and we had seats on the 50 yard line. My DPS™ started acting up from sitting on the bleachers for a couple of hours but the game was very entertaining even though the home team Saints lost 45-28. It was a 4 point game with just eight minutes left before the Indians got two scores in a 10 second span a minute later to put the game out of reach. After the game we went for a donut a Sunny's Donuts (the best donut shop in South Carolina) and then to dinner and hung out at Walt’s house at which point the lack of sleep over the last three days finally caught up to me and I fell asleep in an easy chair until it was time to go home for the night.

At Sunny's Donuts you pick your donut and the filling you want and the donut is then prepared for you.
Here is my lemon injected glazed donut!

  On Sunday I once again woke up around 5am east coast time and I once again worked for a half hour and once again suppressed my desire to play internet chess and headed with Kathy to the Waffle House. The restaurant was empty and we grabbed seats at the counter with a full view of the cooking area where a server was using a squeegee to clean the floor. I’d have loved another breakfast of T-Bone steak, eggs, hash browns, and grits but with the nauseating plane trip home just a few hours away I decided to keep it light and have some hash browns SCATTERED on the grill, SMOTHERED with onions, COVERED with cheese, CHUNKED with ham, DICED with tomatoes, CAPPED with mushrooms, and TOPPED with Bert’s Chili. I learned my lesson from my trip to the Liberty, Missouri Waffle House last year and passed on having my hash browns PEPPERED and remembering how the chef was incredulous at my having both chili and country gravy on my hash browns passed on the country gravy.

Round two at the Waffle House on Sunday saw us get Kathy's eggs and waffle and my SCATTERED, SMOTHERED, COVERED, CHUNKED, DICED, CAPPED and TOPPED hash browns. I think my plate looks a lot like what heaven must look like!

  Kathy ordered a blueberry waffle with eggs and orange juice and we watched Roger the cook fire up my hash browns while he was scrambling Kathy’s eggs and prepare her waffle. While we were waiting I struck up a conversation with Nana the waitress who told me that lots of people have chili and country gravy on their hash browns and that she and Roger had been working the night shift at this Waffle House for over 20 years! Roger brought our food over and I mentioned that when I first started going to the Waffle House you could only get the hash browns scattered, smothered, and covered. Roger started telling me about all the changes he had seen in the past 25 years. For example people can get their hash browns in a bowl with eggs and sausage.

  The hash browns were awesome with each bite exploding with flavor. There was no way I couldn’t be full after eating that massive plate of hash browns. I was so happy after my hash browns I asked Roger if I could take a picture with him. Roger was OK with it and Nana the waitress brought me a Waffle House cooks hat and wanted to be in the picture too. I paid my $13 for our meal, left a large tip, and even bought a waffle house coffee mug.

  Since I was full of hash browns SCATTERED, SMOTHERED, COVERED, CHUNKED, DICED, CAPPED and TOPPED I was in a dream like state during the hour long car ride to the airport and slept most of the way through the two and a half hour trip in the tiny tube of death called an airplane. Except for my DPS™ it was a great trip. I don’t know if I would have felt the same way if there hadn’t been a Waffle House to eat at. I mentioned the trips to the Waffle House to some of my co-workers and I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they react when the Waffle House comes up in conversation. Some people roll their eyes and if they’ve been to a Waffle House it is a sure sign that we just don’t share the same world view. Some people get a blank stare because they’ve never been to one which is understandable since there are no Waffle Houses in Iowa or New Jersey (where I have spend 55 of the past 57 years). But when someone smiles knowingly I know they see the world the same way I do and are enlightened to the wonders of the Waffle House.

After taking care of the floor and cooking, Nana and Roger gave me my own Waffle House hat and posed for a picture,
ensuring me many happy memories until I can get to a Waffle House again.

They Call it Superior

  I headed north this past weekend to play in the Twin Ports Open chess tournament. I played in this tournament last year (and wrote about it here) in Duluth, Minnesota and had a great time. I had an incredible hotel room right off Lake Superior with a giant boat bigger than the hotel just outside. The hotel was located on a tourist street so there were plenty of places to eat and visit within a block away. The chess wasn’t bad also. After defeating a pair of teenage girls in the first two rounds I drew two of the top six seeds before losing my last round game with second place money on the table. The tournament was so well run and I had such a good time that it was an easy decision to commit early to playing in the tournament again in 2017.

  The decision may not have been so easy if I had made it in February after having my department eliminated and becoming an independent contractor where a day off is cash out of my pocket. My vacation time is built into my hourly rate but it is a mental thing to know even leaving an hour early is leaving cash on the table. The decision to come to Twin Ports probably would have been a no if I had made it in late April after taking on a second contracting job keeping the interface to a government agency up and running after everyone else that knew how to keep it running had also been eliminated by my old employer. The second job takes around 10 hours a week with at least a half hour every single morning and frequently eating into my lunch time and the few hours I have in the evening. Keep in mind that I’m not complaining - I agreed to these responsibilities with the understanding that this is a temporary windfall until my independent assignment ends (likely at the end of the year) and the companies that own the interface find other companies with more resources to maintain and upgrade the system.

  Having said all that, at the moment my time is at a premium but to me a commitment made is a commitment to be honored and so on Friday I was headed to the Twin Ports Open. Like last year planned to travel with four time state champ Tim Mc Entee who is one of my best friends in the chess world. Tim doesn’t drive a stick shift so sharing the driving with my car was out last year and we rented a car with an automatic transmission. I had recently purchased a 2017 Chevy Spark complete with an auto transmission and intended to take the new car to Superior, Wisconsin (the twin port to Duluth and site of the 2017 tournament) but we were going to travel with two of Tim’s friends and students from Drake University (Troy and Ty). My 2017 Chevy Spark has four doors but not nearly enough room for 4 people and four bags so I rented a Chevy Impala from Enterprise rent a car. I performed my normal contracting chores on Friday and when Tim and Troy arrived around 8 (we were picking up Ty on the way) we headed to Enterprise.

  It took about a half hour to get the car from Luke the Enterprise rental agent. Luke was the only agent on duty and was busy dealing with another renter whose car wasn’t ready. Eventually we got to the Impala which could best be described as a couch on wheels with plenty of room, an engine that started at the push of a button, and a wireless hot spot. I took the first two hours driving until we got to Mason City where we stopped for lunch (I had an awesome Egg McMuffin, of course) and then Tim took over the driving until we got past Minneapolis/St. Paul.

Here is the very impressive Chevrolet Impala I rented from Enterprise in Marshalltown, Iowa. Among it's many features are a pristine glove box unsullied by car registrations or rental agreements...

  Since I wasn’t driving I had time to try to figure out how to use the car’s wireless hot spot. I didn’t have the password so I decided to look in the glove box to see if the information was written on the rental agreement or registration packet. The glove box was completely empty with not even a registration. I called the local Enterprise office and was on hold for 15 minutes while being told all agents were busy and my call was very important. I hung up and called the 800 number for roadside assistance. We were still driving but if we got pulled over without a registration I would certainly need some roadside assistance or at least a bail bondsman. After two minutes I was talking to Brenda the Enterprise representative. I told Brenda that I had no car registration and she told me it was in the glove box. I said the glove box was empty and she said "Really?" I thought maybe there was a secret compartment in the Impala so I checked again and informed Brenda that the glove box was really, really, REALLY empty. Brenda then said she would email me a copy of the registration. This was fine by me except I had an iPod and a computer and neither had the internet while traveling so I asked Brenda for the wireless hot spot password. Brenda told me that the wireless hotspot was only for use with the ‘travel tablet’ and since I didn’t order one there was no internet for me from my rental car. I thanked Brenda and told her if I got pulled over I’d ask the state trooper if I could use his internet to show him my registration. I then called the Enterprise office in Marshalltown and this time got Luke the agent right away. Luke told me all I needed was the rental agreement which was emailed to me and that any law enforcement agency I showed it to would then call Enterprise to verify. I don’t know if I believed Luke but it’s not like I had a choice.

Welcome to Wyoming...Minnesota, home to a quadrupling hot dog supply and perpetual lottery winner Matthew L.

  After a little more driving we took a break in Wyoming. Wyoming, Minnesota that is (population 7,751) and stopped at the same Shell station as last year. As you may recall last year the Shell station proclaimed a Matthew L. as a winner of a $1,000 lottery prize and there was one hot dog available at the hot dog station. I am pleased to report that either Matthew L. has not lost his magic touch and is still winning $1,000 lottery prizes or no one in Wyoming has won a lottery prize of note in 12 months or the 7,750 people in Wyoming that are not Matthew L. are extremely camera shy or there really aren’t any people in Wyoming, Minnesota and it is part of the Russian plan to hack our election (which would also explain naming a city after a state – silly Russians…). Thanks to the booming economy there were four times as many hot dogs in the grilling station as last year which came to a grand total of four hot dogs for me to choose from. I selected the pepperjack cheese smoked sausage to go along with a Green Machine Naked Juice drink and we were back on the road to the Twin Ports.

While I was waiting on a stretch of one lane US INTERSTATE HIGHWAY 35 for the second year in a row, I had time to compare the two pictures on the right from last years blog post and ponder whether Matthew L. was pictured in the Wyoming, Minnesota Shell station at least twice in a year or his likeness is so legendary it is never taken down....

  Except for a small traffic delay on the same UNITED STATES INTERSTATE HIGHWAY that was reduced to one lane in each direction for ten miles JUST LIKE LAST YEAR we arrived in Duluth around 4 and kept right on going. We kept going because this years’ tournament was across the bridge in Superior, Wisconsin. The epic site of last years tournament (the Duluth Suites Inn) had replaced the tournament rooms with office space and was no longer available so tournament organizers Dane Zagar and Dane Mattson moved the tournament across the inlet to the Barkers Island Inn. The Barkers Island Inn is part of a resort that has a marina, tennis courts, and a boatyard. It is considerably more upscale than the touristy Suites Inn and charges considerably more yet the rooms weren’t nearly as spectacular with a micro fridge and micro wave replacing the Suites Inn’s full kitchen. Because the Inn was a resort and not part of a tourist stop there was nothing within walking distance except boats, water fowl, water, and signs telling people not to swim because Barkers Island has frequent drownings.

Welcome to the Barkers Island Inn. The view of the lake is spectacular and probably even better while sailing in your giant boat!

  Having said that, the Barkers Island Inn was just fine and I can’t hold it against them that the Suites Inn in Duluth was so spectacular. There was an affordable restaurant in the Inn and vending machines that could dispense anything from soda to candy to frozen burgers to yo-yos and playing cards. And anyway while having a hotel room with a full kitchen and plenty of places to walk to I was going to spend most of the next 48 hours sleeping, working, or or hunched over a chess board. I checked in, said hi to Dane and Dane, greeted some of the other players I recognized, avoided some of the other players I recognized, and then we all drove a couple of miles to a Perkins restaurant for dinner. At that point it was time to get some sleep for a long weekend of chess.

I was spoiled by my awesome room at the Suites Inn in Duluth last year but my room at the Barkers Island Inn was roomy enough and came with a charging station, free pen, and an antique phone!

An American In Moscow

After dropping a pair of confused beagles off at the Happy Tails, 4 hours of flying, and over an hour of driving we arrived in
Moscow, Idaho - home of the University of Idaho Vandals!

  I went with Kathy last week to Idaho to see our son Ben graduate from the University of Idaho. It was not a trip I was looking forward to for a number of reasons. First and foremost even though I’ve probably driven over a million miles in my life most of that has been to and from work so I wouldn’t consider myself much of a traveler and flying gets me sick to my stomach most of the time. Another reason for not wanting to go is that now that I am an independent contractor without benefits like paid holidays and vacation the time I’d take off from work is time I don’t get paid for. Kathy has been to Idaho twice a year to move Ben. During these trips I stayed home with Daisy and Baxter but this time we would have to board them at a kennel which is not something anyone wants to do (including Baxter and Daisy). And did I mention I hate flying!

  These are all great reasons and Ben was certainly going to graduate whether I was there or not but it is important to keep in mind the wise words of the United States Constitution and ‘insure domestic tranquility’ which in my case means Kathy wanted me to go and so last Thursday morning instead of heading to work I went to the airport with Kathy to take my first vacation of the year. Before heading to the airport we took Daisy and Baxter for a long walk with a beef stick treat reward and took them with us when we headed to the airport to drop them off at the Happy Tails kennel. This was the same kennel we were going to leave them at on last years aborted vacation to Chicago, Kathy had been bringing the beagles to Happy Tails for the last two weeks to get them used to being there but the look Daisy gave me as she realized we were leaving her and Baxter was almost enough to make me cancel the trip. Almost.

  We got to the airport and through the very tight security in no time and were on our way to Denver via United Airlines over the Rocky Mountains. I used free internet at the Des Moines and Denver airports. I didn’t want to pay for United’s wireless internet but I broke down on the longer trip from Denver to Spokane and paid $7.99 to use the internet on the plane to play some chess and maybe blog about playing chess on a plane. The internet worked great on my iPod until we took off but after that I couldn’t get email, check stock prices, go on Facebook, and certainly couldn’t play chess. About the only thing I could do was use the united website to make sure the plane was still on the air and possibly headed to the right place.

A side trip to Colfax, Washington - home of Gravy the dog and the Main Street Bookstore.

  We got to Spokane around noon Pacific Time, rented a car, and headed 80 miles south to Pullman, Washington. Pullman is the home of the Cougars of Washington State College and about 10 miles west of the University of Idaho’s campus in Moscow, Idaho which was completely sold out of hotel rooms for the graduation weekend. The highways we took wound through lots of hills and rocky walls of carved out mountains and led us through the small town of Colfax, Washington which had some second hand stores and a used book store. We stopped for Kathy to see if there were any Christmas candles (there weren’t) and for me to see if there were any books I wanted to get at the used bookstore (I did buy “Even Dead Men Play Chess” by Michael Wietz - a murder mystery featuring a chess coach). Even though the side trip was pretty fruitless we did get to meet Gravy the dog who was the bookstore guardian along with three large cats.

  We arrived at the Pullman Holiday Inn Express around three. Ben was still taking exams and we were going to meet him at a hotel in Moscow for a ‘Math Department Reception’ at 7. I didn’t pack a toothbrush so we went to the Pullman, Washington Dollar Tree conveniently located a few blocks from the Holiday Inn Express. The Pullman, Washington Dollar Tree looked very much like the Marshalltown, Iowa Dollar Tree and all the other Dollar Tree’s I’ve frequented with the glaring exception of a lack of a frozen food section. There were a few new items I’ve yet to see in other Dollar Trees and of course there was a travel toothbrush with name brand Crest toothpaste for, you guessed it, a dollar. Kathy got a few items and we were quickly out of the Dollar Tree and after a quick visit to the pet store next door and a longer trip for an awesome Kung Pao chicken dinner at the Mandarin House Restaurant we headed back to our room for a quick nap and then were on to the ‘Math Department Reception’.

While Ben was getting award after award, I was angling towards the mathematically sliced watermelon which was also award-worthy!

  We got to the Reception around 7 and saw Ben for the first time that day. Kathy had met most of his favorite professors before and this was my first time meeting them. They all just raved about Ben’s math ability and work ethic which is always nice to hear. There’s no credit to me in this – Kathy had him reading at 3 years old, Ben has always loved numbers, and has always had a great work ethic. The professors weren’t just kidding me either. Ben had his name engraved on a plaque for being the outstanding math student of the year. I finished the first plate of the exceptional watermelon but every time I got up to get a new plate they gave Ben another award and I had to sit down. Finally, all the awards stopped and I resumed snacking on the watermelon (which seemed very mathematically sliced) until it was time to take Ben, his fiancé, and her mom to Baskin Robbins for ice cream and then we headed back to Pullman for a good night’s sleep.

  We woke up early on Friday and there wasn’t much for us to do since Ben still had finals to take. We headed to the University Bookstore for Kathy to get an Idaho shirt. I wanted to get a souvenir but the cheapest thing I could find was a $2 postcard so I passed. Then we headed to the Salvation Army and Goodwill stores where Kathy found a Christmas candle for her collection and I found a couple of button down shirts which looked great but on closer inspection at home one shirt didn’t come with a pocket which is a must for any button down shirt I wear to work.

  After hitting the second hand stores Kathy took me to a WinCo supermarket. I'd never been to a WinCo which was unlike any supermarket I’ve ever been to. The store had shelving in long rows from floor to ceiling all through the store and the selections of items was truly amazing. Rows of self-serve bins of every kind of candy, nuts, grains, and granolas covered three entire rows. What caught my eye was the giant 25 pound bags of carrots, baby bologna, and Crab Boil Liquid. I didn’t ask whether the liquid was meant to boil crabs in or actually came from crab boils.

Some of the incredible selection of items at the WinCo! Baby Bologna or Turkey Tails, anyone?

  After a great time at the WinCo, it was time for lunch so we went to the nearby mall and settled on lunch at Smoky Mountain Pizzeria Grill. The menu item that caught my eye was the Calzone. “Start with your choice of toppings. We add ricotta, mozzarella, provolone, white cheddar cheese, and tomato sauce, then bake until golden brown”. I ordered an Italian sausage calzone and Kathy had a calzone with peppers, tomatoes, and a little onion.

  And then we waited and waited and a half hour later we finally had our calzones. I cut into my calzone expecting to see gobs of cheese and some sausage only to find there was a doughy mess full of sausage with a trace of cheese and tomato sauce hidden in a corner. Kathy’s calzone was no better and even worse since her calzone had more onion than anything else. When the server asked if everything was OK I said the calzones had no cheese and he said “What do you want me to do about it?” I ate my calzone which was more like a disgusting $10 inside-out maid-rite and Kathy picked through her onion calzone and we left to head back to Pullman Washington for a nap. After our nap we met Ben, his fiancé, and her mom at Gambino’s Restaurant in Moscow for some great Italian food although I was so full of Smokey Mountain’s disgusting calzone that I only felt like eating a chef salad (which was excellent).

  We went back to the hotel but were up early on Saturday to make sure we got to the University of Idaho’s 16,000 seat Kibbe Dome early enough for get a prime seat for Ben’s graduation. We arrived at 7:30 for the 9:30 graduation and did get seats in the front row on the side Ben would be sitting. The Kibbe Dome is the school’s football and basketball stadium and I got to see the banner denoting the school’s 61-50 victory over Colorado State in the 2016 Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in Boise.

Finally the graduation at the University Of Idaho's Kibbe Dome!

  Take it from me – no matter how close your seats are to a graduation sitting in football stadium bleachers for 5 hours is a long grind. After a couple of hours the students came in with Ben being recognized as the leading student for the College of Science. After the obligatory speeches and talks the 700+ graduates received their diplomas and the ceremony was over around 12. Ben was headed to another math ceremony to receive more awards and we were all going to join him but his fiancée’s mom lost her car keys right after moving her daughter out of her dorm. Everything had been moved to their house 40 miles away except for some cleaning supplies. Ben went to his ceremony and Kathy and I went back to the Kibbe Dome to get our car to pick up Ben’s fiancée and her mom. We snaked slowly though the cars leaving the ceremony and picked up everything and everyone and then joined Ben’s ceremony which was almost over except for a few leftover ham and cheese wraps.

  Everyone but Ben was hungry so while he took a nap we all headed to the Subway for some American food and then headed to the two used bookstores in town where I got a large book of comics by Robert Crumb and the Indian tribal classic ‘Hanta Yo’ both of which I may even read some day.

Some of the amazing Idaho scenery.

  Ben joined us at the second bookstore and we hung out for a couple more hours looking at books and eating ice cream at a local shop. I was half expecting someone to walk up to Ben and give him more awards but it looked like the awards were over for at least that week. Ben is staying in Idaho for a few more weeks and Kathy and I were staying at a hotel by the airport in Spokane since our flight was leaving the next day at 5:30 am so it was time to say our goodbyes to Moscow, Idaho. We dropped Ben’s fiancée and her mom at their house 40 miles north and continued up the Idaho panhandle on a 2 lane highway until we made our left turn to Spokane. The countryside in Idaho and Washington is amazing with logging camps, mountains full of pine trees, lakes, and deer running all around. We got to the hotel and were out to the airport the next day and back in Marshalltown by 1 in the afternoon and picked up Daisy and Baxter when the Happy Tails kennel opened at 4.

  It was a whirlwind trip to the great northwest and a nice mini-vacation for me. I’m not much for the outdoors so I was happy to have familiar places like the Dollar Tree and the Subway to visit and hang out in. All in all I was happy to have made the trip and the time off work was welcome but my idea of a vacation is staying at home and hanging out with Kathy and the beagles. I guess there is no place like home.