Wednesday, July 30, 2014

My Kind of Town

  Marshalltown made national news headlines 2 weeks ago when the parents of high school junior Blair Van Staalduine publicized the news that their son had been suspended for the first three football games of his senior season for appearing in a social media picture dressed from head to toe in white clothing making the letter ‘W’ with his hands. The Van Staalduine’s say that Marshalltown High School Principal Aiddy Phomvisay concluded that the ‘W’ symbol in the picture was a ‘white pride’ symbol instead of standing for the ‘W’ as in the white clothing their son was dressed in as the school requested for ‘spirit week’.

  The story was first picked up by the local paper and then by Des Moines WHO-TV. Since the school district does not discuss matters of student discipline publicly the stories are told entirely from the Van Staalduine’s point of view. The father (Jerry) claimed that in a meeting with principal Phomvisay he was told that they were stupid and na├»ve to think that their son was not a racist. In the TV interview, the mother (Cathy) claimed that she was afraid that if Blair was falsely labelled as a racist he would have difficulty getting in a good college and hurt his scholarship chances. The parents have threatened to sue the school district unless the suspension is reversed and they receive an apology from Phomvisay.

Got the letter down pat...
but why isn't he dressed in white?
  The publicity this story received exploded when Yahoo News picked up the story (you can read it here) as written by the highly conservative website ‘The Daily Caller’. As expected, the Daily Caller put their own spin on the story, mentioning that they couldn’t imagine what ‘W’ symbol could be construed as racist and noting that the ‘quintessential small-town hamlet was 85% white and less than 3 percent black’ according to the 2010 census (not mentioning that the same census showed 24.1% of the population claiming to be Latino or Hispanic or that the public school population is 45% white according to or that two thirds of the students in the 'hamlet' receive free or reduced lunches. The website called ‘’ published Phomvisay’s email address and invited their readers to email their thoughts on this issue to him. A website called ‘’ made the story the subject of their Question of the Day and asked their readers if they would sue the school district. A search of Blair Van Staalduine will come up with dozens of similar articles and blog posts on this topic.

  There are a number of odd things about this story. If Cathy Van Staalduine didn’t want her son’s scholarship and college opportunities hurt by being ‘falsely labelled a racist’ why did the family publicize this story? No one knew that Van Staalduine had even been suspended for three football games, never mind what for. And having brought the matter into the public eye, why was the offending picture not made public also? The explanation was that the family was ‘saving the picture for the lawsuit’ but if the goal was to put public pressure on the school district for a reversal of the suspension and get an apology, wouldn't making the picture public helped towards that goal and how would making the picture public hurt the lawsuit? I asked a lot of students if there was a ‘W’ symbol that stood for ‘White Power’ or ‘White Pride’ or ‘White Whatever’ and was told that the ‘W’ probably stood for the white clothing Van Staalduine was asked to wear. I was also told that the swimming team (that Van Staalduine is a member of) has a habit of shouting “White Power” during their meets. I was also told that the girls swimming team was specifically told not to make a ‘W’ sign with their hands this year. And just to confuse matters, someone told me there was an African-American student in the alleged social media picture making the same ‘W’.

  I don’t understand why the Marshalltown School District is monitoring any student’s social media in the first place. I read the student handbook (Click here and you can read it also!) and the section on student conduct is very vague. There is a mention of ‘Display of racial bigotry, intolerance, etc.’ being a violation but no specific examples. The reach of where a violation of student conduct can occur is equally vague. “Conduct of students away from the school grounds is subject to school discipline if it directly affects the good order, efficiency, management or welfare of the school and its activities.” There is nothing specifically mentioning social media and certainly nothing about making a ‘W’ with one’s hands. Could a student that gives someone the finger while driving or wears pants so low the beltline is at the thighs or uses a bad word on Facebook be seen as being a poor reflection on the school and thus directly affecting the welfare of the school and therefore subject to discipline? According to these guidelines not only could those be violations but even criticizing any of those actions could be perceived as racist, bigoted, or intolerant and a violation as well. I originally thought that a lawsuit against the school disciplinary policy wouldn’t have a chance but with guidelines so vague that every disciplinary action is a subjective action I think a competent lawyer would have a decent chance of getting Van Staalduine’s football suspension lifted.

  The actual incident doesn't have a lot of interest for me but the media reaction has been fascinating. Right now the right wing media is having a field day with the story of the young white athlete being suspended from the football team after being told to wear white and happening to make the letter ‘W’ with his hands but if the case goes to court and the suspension is overturned or if the school voluntarily reduces or reverses the suspension I expect the left-wing media will research every utterance and post starting with the Van Staalduine family and circling outward until they have enough material to have their own field day writing about the racist-tolerant ‘quintessential small-town hamlet’ of Marshalltown and making Principal Phomvisay the victim.

  The situation had led to a lot of unwanted attention and could have been prevented at a number of points from the children not being told to wear a particular color to the children not making ‘W’ symbols to the adults having specific examples of forbidden hand symbols listed in the student handbook to Principal Phomvisay assigning detention or diversity training as opposed to the football suspension to the parents not using the media to publicize their frustration and just getting on with their lawsuit.

  I don’t know whether Phomvisay is a good principal or not but he has proven to be a gifted fundraiser, having helped garner 2.5 million dollars towards the renovation of the sports activity center/auditorium known as the 'Roundhouse' and grants for a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math center) center as part of Project Lead the Way. He was also named 2014 School Administrators of Iowa Secondary Principal of the Year. I can’t imagine he foresaw this kind of reaction to the suspension. Without knowing if there is a history between Phomvisay and the Van Staalduines the suspension of the student for three football games seems to be an overreaction. If Phomvisay met with Van Staalduine’s parents without videotaping it or having a witness that was a grave tactical error since he cannot discuss what was said but the parents can put any spin on the discussion they want and paint him however they like. As innocent or racist or juvenile making a had sign with the letter ‘W’ was I think asking students to wear white or red or blue to show school spirit is equally juvenile. If Van Staalduine had been suspended for three swim meets I don’t think this story would have had legs but there is something about football that makes small towns go crazy and I imagine that Phomvisay underestimated the reaction to messing with king football. With his fundraising prowess and award Phomvisay will be able to pick and choose from a number of school districts that would be delighted to have him and I can’t see him staying in Marshalltown for very long. I can't imagine the there not being hard feelings no matter how this plays out and I suspect his fund raising abilities to be hampered as a result.

  Marshalltown received the All-American City award granted by the National Civic League in 2012 and was a finalist in 2014. I don’t think that this incident will hurt the town’s chances of being in the running in future years and it may even help since standing up against racism, bigotry, and intolerance are always popular social causes for these type of awards. The town’s ‘Not In Our Town’ campaign was widely lauded as a model for for other towns to follow. In fact, this entire incident may turn out to be a blessing in disguise by placing some of the towns other 'attributes' in the background.

  Aside from being an All-American City in 2012, did you know Marshalltown is the corpse abuse capital of Iowa? Just google the words ‘Iowa corpse abuse’ and right below the legal definition of corpse abuse is the news story from February conviction of Jeremy Gartin of murdering David Warnell at 502 North 4th Avenue (3 blocks away from the Kum & Go we take Daisy and Baxter for their beef stick treats) in an apparent drug deal gone bad. After shooting the victim in the head, Gartin and accomplice Max Nelson were either high on meth or had just watched an episode of CSI when they decided to hack off his teeth, fingertips, and tattoos in order to render the body unidentifiable. After calling the garbage company to verify the trash would be picked up that day, the body parts, bloody clothes, etc…, were put in garbage bags and left to be picked up, but in an ending straight out of Criminal Minds, the police beat the garbage company to the scene, the body parts were recovered, and the arrests were made.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade...When a wacko drives through your porch, make a wind break!

  And if corpse abuse wasn't enough to put Marshalltown on the map, we may also be Iowa's leader in porch abuse. Detailed statistics aren't kept on porch abuse but in April Jason Collins ran his car into his ex-wife's house and car and while he was at it decided to lop off the porches of two other neighboring houses to complete his 'triple play'. This happened just two blocks from my house and I got to see the results of Collin's porch rage when I walked Daisy and Baxter every few days. One porch was fixed right away but the other porch's roof was set up as a combination wind-break/privacy fence. This story didn't have near the legs of the 'W' story or the corpse abuse story which to me shows that there is a niche market for a porch abuse advocacy group that is waiting to be filled to raise the visibility of porch abuse in the social consciousness and to make people aware of this growing problem.

  When I lived in New Jersey I’m not sure which town was the leader in corpse abuse or porch abuse but in Iowa there is no doubt it is Marshalltown - that quintessential small-town hamlet I call home. When you live in the corpse and porch abuse capitals of the state I just can’t take some kid making a ‘W’ with hands very seriously. I’m hopeful the judges for the All-American City awards feel the same way.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Beef Stick Connoisseurs

I've been so busy with my chess camp this week that I've once again called upon my guest bloggers - Baxter and Daisy to take time out of their busy schedule to provide their insight on yet another topic of great importance.

  Hi Everyone…It’s Daisy... and Baxter with another guest blog for all our fans. It’s about time Hank let us write another blog, Baxter. I haven’t cared much for his posts lately. I did enjoy the post about all the submarine sandwiches we helped him eat over the 4th of July weekend but if I had to read another TV review of a post-apocalyptic world I don’t know what I’d do. We spent a whole day of watching ‘The Walking Dead’ with him and we never saw a dog the whole time. Falling Skies’ doesn’t have any dogs either although there is a dog in ‘The Last Ship’. And a very handsome German Shepard it is. I wonder why none of these shows ever have any beagles. After all, we are the cutest and smartest breed of dog. And literate. Beagles are the most literate of dogs. Look at this blog! I can’t understand why we wouldn’t survive in a post-apocalyptic world. Probably because when the aliens or zombies got close we’d start barking and howling like crazy and get everyone killed. Or we’d sneak into the food supplies, eat all the food, and the survivors would all starve. I’m glad we don’t live in a post-apocalyptic world, Daisy. But if an apocalyptic event happens we should head to the nearest convenience store and stock up on beef sticks. That’s right Baxter. And speaking of beef sticks we sampled all the beef sticks at the nearby convenience stores this past Saturday for our annual convenience store awards. What a great day!! YUM!! I LOVE BEEF STICKS!! YUM!!

On the way to the Jiffy and our friend Vince, we scrounge for scraps at the Villager!

  For our first stop we went to the Jiffy convenience store at 5am on Saturday. Jiffy was the 2012 beef stick award winner. It’s a long walk to the Jiffy, Daisy! Yes, Baxter. It’s a mile and a half round trip to the Jiffy but we get to walk past two bars where people vomit sometimes. Hank and Kathy try to keep us from getting vomit but since its dark we get lots of tastes before they pull us away. YUM!!! Hank and Kathy get really mad when we eat vomit but since we’re dogs we really can’t help ourselves. And don’t forget about the Villager rooming house, Daisy. The Villager had a fire last year and it was empty for a long time but now it’s reopened. The Villager people leave candy wrappers and bags of chips in front of the building all the time and we get to snuffle and scrounge when we go past. I’m so happy the Villager is back open. Me too. Sometimes we’re already full when we get to the Jiffy but we can always find room for beef sticks. YUM!! The Jiffy has the fine Jack Link’s brand of beef sticks. They used to also carry Old Wisconsin but switched to Tillamook a few months ago. All the beef sticks are 2 for a dollar. Tillamook beef sticks are drier and smaller than Jacks Link’s and taste just as good but the Jiffy stopped carrying them last month. That’s alright Baxter. Jack Link’s make wonderful beef sticks and the Jiffy didn’t run out of them even once all year. Vince did a great job of keeping them stocked. And when Hank went to Okoboji in April, Kathy took us to the Jiffy anyway and Vince brought the beef sticks out to us so she wouldn’t have to leave us alone in the parking lot. Vince and the rest of the Jiffy crew were wonderful all year long. I’m giving the Jiffy 4 paws. I’m giving then four paws also, Daisy. I could get used to having our beef sticks brought outside to us. Jiffy rebounded from last year’s disappointing third place finish for a perfect score in 2014 thanks to Vince’s superior customer service.

Jiffy – 4 paws 

Not only does Kum & Go provide fine Jack Link's beef sticks, they also have fountain drinks for $1!

  Our next stop was to go to last year’s beef stick award winner, the Kum & Go! Before we go to the Kum & Go we take a long walk around to the cemetery at 9 in the morning. Sometimes Hank takes us to the duck pond in the cemetery. There’s ducks, a swan, geese, and goose poop! YUM!! I love goose poop. Hank hates it when we eat goose poop but since we’re dogs we can’t help ourselves and he gets over it. We have to cross a busy street to get to the Kum & Go. I don’t like the busy street but I love the Kum & Go! That’s because the Kum & Go also carries the fine Jack Link’s beef stick brand and because the Kum & Go is so busy their beef sticks are always fresh. Twice this year Hank said there weren’t any beef sticks in the dispenser but Jillissa the manager got some more for us. I like Jillissa! I like Jillissa too. We always have beef sticks when we go to the Kum & Go and when Jillissa took time off to have her baby Shawna took over and made sure we had plenty of beef sticks. Last year it was so hot that Kum & Go got extra credit for having crushed ice to have with our ice water but it’s been so cool that we’ve hardly needed crushed ice this year. I like that the Kum & Go always has fresh beef sticks and Jillissa is so friendly and makes sure we always have beef sticks and they cost 2 for a dollar just like the Jiffy. I have to give Kum & Go 4 paws again just like last year. I’ll give Kum & Go 4 paws also even though Jillissa has never brought the beef sticks out to us (we never asked her to). It’s great to have affordable beef sticks that we can always rely on.

Kum & Go – 4 paws 

Casey's beef sticks are expensive, but tasty!

  For our noontime walk we went to Casey’s General Store. Casey’s is 4 blocks away from the Kum & Go and we go through an alley to get there. There’s lot of garbage in the alley. Yesterday there were 3 Cheetos! YUM! I LOVE CHEETOS! One time I found a dead bird and I got a bite of it before Kathy pulled me away. I liked the Casey’s a lot last year before they raised their prices. We wrote about it in our last blog. That’s right Baxter! Now the beef sticks cost $1.08 for 2 or them. Hank says that they are 8% more at the Casey’s than anywhere else in town. We haven’t gone to the Casey’s very much since but there were 2 times that we took the walk and the Casey’s were out of beef sticks! Hank said when he asked if the clerk could go get some they just shrugged their shoulders and kept on eating their candy bars and sucking down their soft drinks. I was so sad. Casey’s carries the Old Wisconsin brand of beef sticks. They are fatter than the Jack Link’s but that’s because they are full of water and grease. I like Jack Link’s beef sticks better but I do like how the Old Wisconsin beef sticks slide down my throat. I’ll give the Casey’s 2 paws. I’m mad at Casey’s for charging more for their beef sticks than anyone else and I really didn’t like how when Hank bought a turkey sub from them last year there was hardly any meat for him to share with us. I’m giving the Casey’s one paw. I forgot about how little meat the Casey’s turkey sub had and Hank was hopping mad when they just shrugged their shoulders when they were out of their overpriced beef sticks instead of getting some more for us. You’re right Baxter! Casey’s is only getting one paw from me too. I am usually right, aren’t I? There’s a first time for everything, I suppose…

Casey's – 1 paw 

We often visit our friends Bill and Marilyn on our way to The Depot, which only has Slim Jim beef sticks. They are small but they are always in stock and cost 2 for $1.

  We didn’t get any beef sticks on our 3pm walk, Daisy. But we did get to visit with Marilyn and Becky and Marilyn rubbed my head. OH BOY! I was so sad we didn’t get any beef sticks but I do like to see Marilyn and Becky. We went for the same walk at 6pm and we got to stop at the Depot and on the way back we saw Becky Marilyn, and Bill. I like it when Bill rubs my head and says ‘Hi, Daisy old girl’. We pass The Depot every day on our night time walk. There’s always garbage to scrounge and sometime Hank goes in to get Slim Jims! The Depot doesn’t have any beef stick dispensers so Hank buys pre-packaged Slim Jims. They cost a dollar for 2. Slim Jims are small and greasy but I like to eat them because it’s so unexpected when we do get them. Yes Baxter. It’s like a special treat and I’m starting to appreciate how close The Depot is and that the Slim Jims are still 2 for a dollar. I’ll give The Depot 2 paws. I’ll give The Depot 2 paws also. Not only is there garbage to scrounge in their parking lot, Hank and Kathy find lots of coins there too!

The Depot – 2 paws 

  So we have a tie for the first time ever in our convenience store beef stick contest, Baxter. That’s right, Daisy. Both Vince at the Jiffy and Jillissa at the Kum & Go provided superior beef stick service and deserved the perfect scores they earned for their stores. And Hank said we found enough cans and bottles and spare change on the streets and saved enough money bringing beef sticks from Aldi instead of going to Casey’s that we could get trophies for this year’s winners! Vince was so happy to get a Daisy and Baxter beef stick award that he’ll be even nicer to us next year. Jillissa wasn’t working this weekend so we didn’t have a chance to present her trophy this weekend but we’ll make sure to get it to her soon. There was no award for Casey’s this year, Daisy. They went from second place in last year’s contest to last place this year. Well Baxter, since the Casey’s get an extra 8 cents for every 2 beef sticks they sell, they can go buy their own award!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The Return of The King

  When LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers to go to the Miami Heat four years ago I wrote about it and said how I thought it was a smart move for him professionally and that the Heat would win at least one championship with their ‘Big 3’ of James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh. Those predictions were spot on. James was named Sports Illustrated 2012 Sportsmen of the Year and won two NBA MVP awards to go along with the Heat’s two NBA championships. While James was already a worldwide brand, the championship rings has made him even more marketable by conferring him with the status of a ‘winner’.

  In that same post I wrote four years ago, I also noted about the vitriolic response of Cavs owner Dan Gilbert in which he claimed that James had quit on the team during the previous two years playoffs along with calling him a ‘deserter’ and his signing with the Heat a ‘cowardly betrayal’. Having shown such animosity and plantation owner mentality towards a player exercising his free agent rights I imagined that any top flight NBA free agent with a choice would never willingly sign with the Cavaliers as long as Gilbert owned the team and over the last four years the Cavaliers haven’t been able to attract any notable free agents although they have been very lucky to win the draft lottery three of the last four years and were able to resign Kyrie Irving, their #1 pick in the draft from 2011 and the 2014 All-Star Game MVP.

  I imagined wrong as James signed a two-year contract to rejoin the Cavaliers this week. Four years ago James’s decision to leave the Cavaliers for the Heat was announced in an hour long television special entitled ‘The Decision’ which was widely derided as self-serving, arrogant, and disrespectful of Cleveland. This year’s decision was announced as an essay published by Sports Illustrated which has been as widely lauded as the last decision was derided.

  How will James fare in his return to Cleveland? In his absence the team hasn’t come close to making the playoffs, even though all of their top draft picks over this abysmal period are contributing to the team except for last year’s #1 overall draft pick Anthony Bennett. There is a new General Manager (David Griffin) and his first hire was to bring in a highly regarded European League coach David Blatt. Griffin and Blatt’s job description has changed from building a perennial loser to a perennial playoff team to winning a championship or at least getting to the NBA Finals. There is plenty of money to work with this year for Griffin to add another big name but next year Irving’s 90 million dollar extension kicks in and the Cavaliers will be in the position the Miami Heat were in the past few years of having to convince veteran players to play for less than their market value in the hopes of winning a championship.

  I can’t see James taking the Cavaliers to Cleveland’s first sports championship since 1948. Even though he is relatively young (he will turn 30 in December), James has been in the league for 11 years and played at least 75 of his team’s 82 games for all but one of those years. He has also played another 4 seasons worth of games competing in the playoffs and another season worth as a member of Team USA’s international competitions. He may only be 29 but I think he is an old 29.

  When LeBron’s former Heat teammate Dwyane Wade turned 30 he was still an effective player but had ceased to be an effective EVERY DAY player. He needed to take time off during the season, had nagging injuries, and wore down noticeably as the season wore on. This slowdown happens to most NBA players between the ages of 30 and 32. James’s decline won’t be nearly as noticeable as Wade’s because a) he has a good jump shot and will be able to make that more a part of his game as he ages (like Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant did) and b) he is a far better player than Wade and can decline and still be very close to the best player in the game. I think there is a window of two or three seasons at most where a team with LeBron James as its best player will be able to win a championship and I wouldn’t be placing my bet on the young talent in Cleveland maturing to the point where they will be a viable supporting cast. The Cavaliers are rumored to be trying to trade some of their young talent for Minnesota's All-Star forward Kevin Love which may change their championship prospects but I think Love is like the pastries at the Starbucks - looks good and costs a lot and after you buy it you wonder why you paid so much for it. In addition, as highly as David Blatt is regarded as a coach he has no NBA coaching experience and Griffin’s acumen as a General Manager has yet to be established.

  The one thing that gives me pause in my prediction of no championships for the Cavaliers is that LeBron James has proven himself to be exceptionally intelligent and driven. Thirty years ago, the New York Mets were changed from perennial doormats to championship contenders by the arrival of super talented teenagers Doc Gooden and Darryl Strawberry. They were the toast of New York and could have had many times the endorsements of James but instead both ruined Hall of Fame careers with drugs and alcohol. James has consistently put himself in a position to be successful and capitalize on his successes. In his essay, James wrote all the right things about wanting to go back to Cleveland to being a championship to his home area of Northeast Ohio and to be an inspiration to the youth and it made me think how James doesn't get near enough credit as a role model. He hasn’t been involved in any drug problems like any number of players, there have been no gambling controversies like a Michael Jordan, love child controversies like a Shawn Kemp (among others), or DUI and wife beating issues like a Jason Kidd. Maybe he just has a great inner circle that keeps his private life very private but there is no reason to think he’s not just as his image projects him to be.

  In addition to having a sterling public image, James has proven to be a savvy businessman. For example, he reportedly made $30 million dollars when Apple bought the Beats Electronics company. Instead of taking an endorsement fee for promoting the Beats headphones, James took a small stake in the company instead and is reaping the rewards. He is well on his way to being a billionaire and I wonder if there is an inside deal in place for him to own a piece of the Cavaliers as consideration for his return. I think there just has to be something more involved for him to work for the owner who made such vile comments about him. Ostensibly, the reason James only signed a two year contract for 41 million dollars instead of the maximum four year deal is that the NBA will sign a new TV contract in two years and the salary cap will increase, allowing James to receive an even bigger contract. I think the secondary reason for the short term contract is so James can exert maximum leverage in the operation of the team and can get out of town if management becomes satisfied with their profits from ticket, luxury box, and merchandise sales to the extent that they decide not to jeopardize their bottom line by signing top talent of not wanting to pay the luxury tax to keep their young talent.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Purely American - Accept No SUBstitutes

  The USA Men’s soccer team was eliminated from the World Cup last week in the round of 16 (the first rounds after group play) by Belgium. The team’s World Cup was widely lauded as a success since the US had survived the so-called ‘Group of Death’ containing perennial World Cup powers Germany and Portugal as well Ghana, who had defeated the US in the past two World Cups. Hopes are high that the US will become a force to be reckoned with on the world soccer stage and this World Cup will become the springboard for future successes and heightened interest in soccer in the United States.

  20 years ago the World Cup was held in the United States and the national team made it through group play and lost in the round of 16 1-0 to a Brazilian team that was playing 10 men vs. 11 for most of the match. Brazil went on to win the tournament but hopes were high that the US had become a team to be reckoned on the world stage and that the World Cup hosting experience and success of the US team would be the springboard for future success and heightened interest in soccer in the United States.

No further proof of the sad state of American soccer is needed that this spontaneous celebration over beating Ghana in a World Cup soccer match...

  It didn’t happen then and I don’t think it will happen now. The interest in the U.S. team at the World Cup is almost entirely due to the fortuitous scheduling of the Cup before the beginning of pro and college football and after the end of the after NBA season. I don’t even see the U.S. World Cup performance as particularly successful. The team played four games with a lone victory was against Ghana by the score of 2-1, a 2-2 tie against Portugal in which the US allowed a goal in the last 30 seconds, and two losses to Germany (1-0) and Belgium (2-1, but scoreless after regulation play). I can accept a close loss to Germany (a country of 80 million people where soccer is by far the most popular sport), but a loss to Belgium and a tie against Portugal? Pardon my jingoism but these two countries each have populations of 11 million people and even if every Belgian and Portuguese child grows up practicing their soccer skills non-stop there are just so many more people in the United States and so many kids playing soccer in this country of over 300 million people that the U.S. should be able to field a far superior soccer squad even if Portugal has quite possibly the best player on the planet in Cristiano Ronaldo. If only 10% of the US population was fanatical about soccer we would have still have three times the population to draw from. And I’m not turning cartwheels over beating Ghana once a decade even though soccer is the most popular sport in that country of 24 million. I’ll know soccer is turning the corner in this country when our national team not only defeats tiny countries like Belgium and Portugal on a regular basis but defeating them or holding them to a tie won’t be seen as a mark of success and close losses won't be seen as moral victories.

  On Friday I was able to take a break from thinking about how beating Ghana, tying Portugal, and suffering close losses to Belgium and Germany passed for a successful result for U.S.A. soccer and watch a sport where America is not only competitive but quite possibly dominant: The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest at Brooklyn’s Coney Island Amusement Park.

The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest - where America can compete and even win...

  The contest had been won by Japanese contestants Hirofumu Nakajima and Takeru Kobayashi in 8 of 9 years between 1997 and 2006 but American Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut has now held the title for the last 8 years. I like watching the contest even though the pomp and circumstance surrounding the event is a bit over the top but as an experienced hot dog eater myself the only thing I don’t understand about the competition is why the contestants are allowed to eat the hot dog separate from the bun and then dunk the bun in a cup of water. That is not how anyone I know eats a hot dog and I tend to think a real hot dog eating contest should not only include some toppings on the dog or at least a little mustard but require the participants to eat the hot dog like a hot dog and not broken down to its constituent parts of meat and bun. In any event after watching the World Cup and Wimbledon Tennis (where no Americans made the round of 16 for the first time in a century) it was nice to watch some American success in international competition even if it was competitive eating.

  With the Fourth of July occurring last Friday I decided to stay home with the beagles rather than accompany Kathy to visit her sister in Missouri for the weekend. Last year July 4th was the day Daisy and Baxter had their beef stick convenience store comparison, but with only the Jiffy having a safe place to hitch the dogs to the contest will wait. Because the victory by Joey Chestnut put me in the spirit of the holiday (and I did need to eat, after all) I decided to conduct a survey of an American institution (at least according to Wikipedia) : the submarine sandwich.

The menus at Jimmy John’s, Sub City, and Subway. (click to enlarge)
Subway devotes an entire wall to their menu.

  I decided to sample the subs at the three dedicated sub shops in Marshalltown: Jimmy John’s, Subway, and Sub City. There are other places to get a sub sandwich like Casey’s and Wal-Mart but since they don’t specialize in sub sandwiches and there were only three days in the weekend I felt I needed to stick to the basics.

  My first stop on Friday took me to the newest sub shop in town, Jimmy John’s. I’ve been to the Jimmy John’s in Des Moines and always liked them and felt a Jimmy John’s would be a great fit by the Wal-Mart but when one finally appeared in Marshalltown it arrived in the K-Mart shopping center just a few blocks from the High School. I took Kathy there once when the shop first opened and the Tuna sub that Kathy ordered had so little tuna that we never went back. On Friday night I headed to Jimmy Johns and ordered the biggest sub they had – the $7.60 JJ Gargantuan. The Gargantuan has five different kinds of meat (capicola, roast beef, turkey, ham, genoa salami) and provolone on the signature 8 inch sub roll with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, mayo, and Italian dressing. There were two or three slices of each kind of meat and cheese on the sub. The turkey and roast beef had thick slices but everything else was cut paper thin. There was plenty of mayo and lettuce. The sub tasted good and I was full after eating it with my only complaint being there was way too much mayo. It was so filling that I wasn’t hungry for the rest of the night which is what I would hope for after spending $8.13 (including tax).

Jimmy John’s Gargantuan sub - a full plate of meat (much of which is very thinly sliced)

  On Saturday I went to the other franchise sub shop in Marshalltown - Subway. There are two Subways in town, one inside the Wal-Mart and the one I visited which was on the other side of the street from the Wal-Mart in the corner of a half-empty strip mall off a frontage road. I got to the Subway at 6pm and was the only person in the strip mall except for two Subway workers, one of whom was outside smoking. The other clerk was very friendly and when I asked him how he was doing he said he wished he was busier and had only made four sandwiches since his shift started two hours ago. I ordered the $6 Italian B.M.T. foot long sub which had pepperoni, genoa salami, ham, and one of a choice of cheeses (I took provolone). Subway offers a large variety of toppings and breads. I’m pretty conservative so I had Italian bread and lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and some hot peppers. I got my sandwich in just a couple of minutes and $6.42 later I was on my way back home with my sub.

  The B.M.T sub looked bigger than the Jimmy John’s Gargantuan sandwich and tasted just as good but on further inspection it had a lot less meat and a lot more bread, lettuce, and tomatoes. All the meat was sliced super thin and even though the sub was a foot long I didn’t feel especially full after finishing it and I didn’t think it was worth the $6.42.

Subway's Italian BMT - the lowest price but the least meat...

  For my third and final sub I went to Sub City on Main Street after work on Monday. I would have preferred to go to Sub City over the weekend but the shop is a family operation and was closed on Friday for the holiday and never open on Sundays so the owner decided to stay closed on Saturday as well for a long weekend. That’s the downside with a small family owned sub shop as opposed to a large franchise chain – they aren’t open on Sundays and holidays. The upside is that since Sub City doesn’t spend money on advertising and pre-printed cups, napkins, straws, etc.. the quality and quantity of the food has to be better or else there is no way they’d be able to stay in business.

  I got to Sub City a few minutes after six. There was no one in the shop except me and two workers. Sub City has no fancy sandwich names like the B.M.T or the Gargantuan. Every sandwich has a number and I picked my favorite, the #17 – Pepperoni and Provolone. It takes Sub City a little longer to make a sub than Jimmy Johns and Subway because while the cold cuts at the franchises are pre-sliced, at Sub City the meat and cheese is taken out of the refrigerator and sliced individually for every sandwich. The bread was cut and the lettuce, tomato, onion, and hot pepper was laid on one side of the sub while the pepperoni and provolone was sliced and laid on the other side. A few seconds and $8.29 later the sub was wrapped and I was on my way home.

  The pepperoni and provolone was sliced thin but it wasn’t a cost cutting measure – the sandwich was piled with meat and the sub roll at least 6 inches longer than the Subway foot-long. I disassembled all the subs when I got home and as you can see there was as least as much meat on the Sub City sub as the Jimmy John’s sub and way more than the Subway sub. I ate half the sub for dinner and I was so full that I had to save the second half for the next day’s dinner. Maybe if I was one of those competitive hot dog eaters like Joey Chestnut I would have shoved all the meat and lettuce down my throat and dunked the roll in water and finished the whole sub in one sitting but I’m pretty happy to have two meals for the price of one sub sandwich.

The MASSIVE Sub City #17 - Pepperoni & Provolone - Half a yard long and Beagle approved!

  I admit that I’m biased towards Sub City but I’m biased for good reason – it’s the most filling and best tasting sub on the planet and even at $8.29 is the best sub sandwich value in town. Sub City easily won my informal sub sandwich survey but there’s no reason for Jimmy John’s or Subway to feel bad. They both made excellent subs and if there was a World Cup for sub sandwiches they wouldn’t have squeaked into the round of 16 like the U.S. soccer team – both would have been in the quarterfinals at least.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

TV Reviews : Falling Skies and The Last Ship
Post-Apocalyptic Sunday on TNT

  Last Sunday marked the 2014 season premiere of one of my favorite shows – TNT’s post-apocalyptic alien invasion saga “Falling Skies”. Last year’s 10 episode season ended with the familiar crew of the remnants of the 2nd Massachusetts Regiment and their new alien allies (the Volm) in Boston destroying the invading Espheni’s radiated power grid that was keeping Volm ships off planet and threatening to destroy all life on Earth. Our hardy band of survivors then proceeded to head to their base in Charleston, South Carolina but not before lead character Tom Mason murdered the human-alien Espheni leader Karen and reunited with his love interest Anne and their months old daughter Alexis who now has the appearance of an six year old girl and is exhibiting strange alien powers. With the alien invaders seemingly defeated and the main villain dead, the only remaining plot line for the 40 week wait for the new season was the strange evolution of Alexis.

Pick your apocalypse...An alien invasion wiping out humanity...

  Since time travels differently in the world of Falling Skies than real life, the new season picks up three weeks after the old season left off with the regiment’s caravan finally arriving at the outskirts of Charleston. Unfortunately, right at that moment they are attacked by massive Espheni war ships that lay down miles of alien powered fences that divide the group into four sections and we pick up the action four months later (after a commercial break). The main group is trapped in a makeshift gulag that is patrolled by the six-legged Skitters (alien slaves of the Espheni) and has food dropped to them on a semi regular basis that the prisoners battle for like animals. Tom Mason is in solitary confinement in a guarded room but has found a way to leave his prison on occasion and mounts a motorcycle to become the mysterious ‘Ghost’ that has become a symbol of hope to the rest of the prisoners. Tom’s youngest son Matt has ended up in a highly regimented youth re-education camp where everyone wears hybrid Nazi/Boy Scout uniforms and are constantly brainwashed to believe that the Espheni are mankind’s friends and that the next step in human evolution is to join forces with the Espheni. Naturally, Matt is not taken in by the re-education and is recruiting allies among the youth for an eventual counter attack. Anne has morphed from a doctor to the leader of a band of soldiers that is searching for the rest of the regiment in general and her daughter Alexis in particular. And Alexis has aged 10 years in the four months and is now a teenager who has created a Utopian town where there is no conflict except a meeting with a giant alien mechanical robot that was disabled by a bolt of lightning which cemented Alexis’ god-like status among the residents of the town.

  During the episode we find out that except for a few dozen warriors the Volm have had to retreat from Earth in order to defend their base planet and that emboldened the Espheni to renew their attacks on the humans and that the gulags and re-education centers are all over the earth. The first episode had little action after the initial alien attack but was fast paced while still filling the gaps of the four month flash forward. With four separate storylines the rest of the season will have to be equally fast paced to bring it all together by the end of the 12 episode season. Last year's ending was very rushed with tremendous amounts of plot devices occurring between episodes (Tom sailing a one-man boat from Boston to Charleston after being kidnapped and escaping and the resistance and the Volm putting together a functioning train with a railway from Charleston to Chicago along with a battleship to take the massive Volm ray gun to Boston in the season finale. Last year the producers couldn’t bring even one storyline to a timely conclusion without resorting to gimmickry but there is a different production team this year that has hopefully learned and will be able to follow through on the ambitious start to season 4 and weave the four disparate storylines together.

  Sunday’s second episode continued on the four storylines from the season premiere with the prisoners in the Espheni ghetto taking the bulk of the hour as Tom Mason reveals himself to be the mysterious ‘Ghost’ and is taken up to the Epsheni mothership and told that the humans were being selected to become a new type of soldier to help the Epsheni battle yet a third and more powerful alien race that is yet unknown. The high production values of the show remain intact with the introduction of a new ‘hornet’ type of alien and the gulag scenes being shot in black & white to underscore the desolation of life in the prisoner camp which is in start contrast to the bare barracks of the re-education camp and the bright pastels of Alexis's peaceful town. The other major revelation is that Alexis is known by the other aliens as ‘The Hybrid’ and is developing powers akin to Dark Phoenix from the X-Men movies. Whenever Alexis even starts to get upset gale force winds and thunder gather while inanimate objects begin to levitate and explode. After 3+ years I find this show as interesting as ever and while I wish there were more than 12 episodes in a season I understand that there is no way the high production values could be maintained over a longer season.

  Before the season premiere of Falling Skies, TNT aired the debut of a new post-apocalyptic series “The Last Ship”. In this show the Navy Destroyer USS Nathan James is sent on a secret four month mission north of the Arctic Circle for two scientists to gather data while the crew believe they are testing top-secret weaponry. The scientists are attacked by Russian soldiers seeking ‘the cure’ and the crew discover that that 80 percent of the earth’s population has been infected with a deadly virus released by global warning of the glaciers, half are dead, and the rest are fighting for survival amid the collapse of all the world’s governments while the mission the ship was sent on was designed for the chief scientist Rachel Scott to get the original virus from the arctic permafrost in order to create a vaccine. After a brief communication with the remnants of the US Government and realizing there is no safe port for the crew, Commanding Officer Tom Chandler decides to disobey his last order to port in Florida and keep the 200+ members of his crew at sea while Dr. Scott creates the vaccine on the ship.

...or humanity wiped out by an ancient virus...The choice is yours on TNT Sunday nights

  The ship has a single helicopter and plenty of weaponry to start but the crew will have forage for supplies and presumably deal with other survivors weekly as they attempt to save the planet from the virus. In the first episode the crew boarded an Italian cruise ship to load up on fuel and food amid the infected corpses and lone survivor of the virus (who dies in moments). The virus is so communicable that everyone is wearing hazmat suits while on the cruise ship. When one crew member trips and breaks his helmet he immediately starts showing signs of infection and kills himself as he realizes he is going to die a grisly death and be the answer to a trivia question should the show make it big. It was a fairly slow moving episode but as an origin show it is to be expected since it must guide the viewers into the main plotlines as well as introduce the main characters.

  The second episode of The Last Ship has the USS Nathan James heading to Guantanamo Bay to gather fuel, food, and medical supplies where they meet up with more infected corpses and battle the remnants of the Al-Qaeda prison population in order to get off the island. It is revealed (only to the viewers, naturally) that there is a Russian speaking mole on board the ship and at the end of the episode the USS Nathan James is introduced to an ominous Russian warship who adds to the ominousness by telling Captain Chandler that ‘You have something I want’ in a very ominous ending. The episode itself was action packed and well-written with little time wasted on so-called character development. I'm not a big fan of character development and think the characters can be developed in action instead of using the concept as an excuse to halt the action in order to let the actors have some ‘emote’ time. Except for being on a ship and not in outer space this episode could easily have been written for the original ‘Star Trek’. Eric Dane as Commander Tom Chandler has many Shatner-esque qualities of a Captain James T. Kirk when he leads a team into ‘Gitmo’ and the way he told the ship to send a torpedo into a specific corner of a warehouse while negotiating with the Al-Qaeda terrorists reminded me of the ‘Deadly Years’ episode where the Enterprise is surrounded by Romulan warships but Kirk broadcasts to Star Fleet headquarters his intention to self-destruct the ship using the ‘Corbomite Device’ in order to trick the eavesdropping Romulans to retreat, allowing the Enterprise time to escape.

  Just like Falling Skies picks up new cast members among other survivors they meet (including the President of the United States in season 3) in episode 2 of The Last Ship the crew is joined by Jon Pyper-Ferguson best known for his role as master terrorist James Kendrick in the final season of Burn Notice. I wonder how a virus that is airborne and so virulent that bleeding sores appear seconds after infection won’t spread over the entire earth and kill everyone on the planet (including the ship's crew) in short order but as long as the ratings remain high (a 17 share and over 5 million viewers for the debut) I’m sure the writers will find a way to avoid that outcome. The debut was heavily publicized by TNT and without any alien action or spaceships or zombies or vampires or people running around with super-powers I’m not sure the show will have staying power. The next few weeks will tell the tale of the longevity of the USS Nathan James as the writers attempt to keep the episodes fresh without the help of new weaponry, alien creatures, zombies, etc... Although Falling Skies had just 3.7 million viewers in its 2014 debut (down from 4.2 in the initial 2013 episode) I’m much more optimistic about its chances for long-term survival. There is a loyal fan base and after this season there will have been 42 episodes produced. The show is getting to the point where only a few more seasons are be needed to get to syndication status where it can be shown on stations like USA Network, WGN, TNT, etc… and rack up fees forever. This makes the last few seasons of a show cost effective even if there aren’t ratings to justify continuing it.

  Even though I’m not very high on the prospects of ‘The Last Ship’ is seems to be well written and I think TNT made the right move by putting the show on Sunday nights. It doesn’t seem that many TV shows that are set in a post-apocalyptic scenarios survive (Jericho, Planet of The Apes, Revolution) past one or two seasons but the last two post-apocalypse series to air on Sundays (Falling Skies and The Walking Dead) have thrived. Maybe post-apocalyptic shows resonate with the people who work from Monday to Fridays. Just as an apocalyptic event like a virus or zombies or an alien invasion changes the world, the arrival of the work week changes the world of the leisurely weekend in what could be called a mini-apocalyptic event of having to work for a living. It could be that after watching some real post-apocalyptic drama on Sunday nights the thought of heading back to work on Mondays doesn’t seem as dire for working people and that’s what makes post-apocalypse shows on Sunday popular. I know if there were to be an apocalyptic event I’d much rather it occurs on late Sunday night or early Monday before I leave for work than Friday at 5pm.