Brave New World (of Beef Stick Treats)

America's most prolific beagle bloggers - Baxter and Daisy have agreed to take time out of their packed schedule to once again provide expert guidance and opinion for their legion of readers in another guest blog!

Hi Everybody! It’s Baxter… and Daisy with another blog for our readers.  It seems like it was just a month ago that we wrote a blog for Hank, Daisy.  That’s because it was a month ago, Baxter. Harry accused us of being privileged! Don't you remember? Here's a link in case you forgot.  That’s right. Harry said he was self-identifying himself as a beagle and we were going to take him with on walks so we could get the beef sticks at the Casey’s and Kum & Go that cost two dollars for three beef sticks.  It was a good plan but Hank said that even if Harry is a beagle and not a cockatiel he wasn’t going with us on any beef stick walks.  Harry said he was going to appeal to the Supreme Court but Hank said he consulted the SCONCSMIA and they decided by a 1-0 verdict that while Harry could self-identify as anything he wanted Hank didn’t have to take him on our beef stick walks.  What’s the SCONCSMIA, Baxter?  The Supreme Court Of N Center Street Marshalltown Iowa. And Chief Justice Hank has the only vote.  Hee Hee. I feel sad for Harry not being able to go on walks with us but I feel sadder for us because we still only get Aldi beef sticks on our walks  Yeah, I love Aldi beef sticks but I miss the Jack Links and Old Wisconsin beef sticks we used to get. 

Luckily on July 4th we had our 4th annual convenience store beef stick taste test.  We went to all the neighborhood convenience stores and sampled their beef sticks! YUM!! I love beef sticks! YUM!!  What a difference a year makes Baxter. Last year the most expensive beef sticks were at Casey’s. They were 59 cents each and two for $1.08 while everyone else charged $1 for two beef sticks.  Casey’s finished last in our 2014 beef stick awards. Jiffy and Kum & Go tied for first.  Kum & Go won the Daisy and Baxter beef stick award in 2013 and last fall they raised their beef stick prices to 89 cents each and three for $2.  The Jiffy won the award in 2012 and this year they raised their prices to 69 cents each and two for $1.29.

I don’t know why beef sticks are so expensive, Daisy.  Me neither. Hank said that because the beef sticks cost so much we couldn’t afford trophies for this year’s award winner like we gave out last year.  Luckily the Daisy and Baxter convenience store award is such a prestigious honor that a trophy isn’t really necessary.  We still needed to do our due diligence to pick the most worthy award winner so on July 4th we got up at 4am and had our breakfast before heading to our first destination, the Jiffy convenience store. 

On the way to the Jiffy, we passed the Wells Fargo bank...
the laziest, rudest, most beagle unfriendly bank ever.

On the way to the Jiffy we pass the courthouse and the Wells Fargo Bank. Hank doesn’t like Wells Fargo, Daisy, and he wrote about it in this blog post.  That’s because they wouldn’t let him deposit his chess camp checks last year. Now Hank uses the United Bank and Trust. We tried to like the Wells Fargo, Baxter.  When we were puppies we walked with Hank to use the ATM and we saw someone in the drive-up window.  They had a dog and the teller gave him a dog biscuit!  YUM!! I love dog biscuits! The next week Hank took us for a walk to the drive up window to deposit some checks.  And to get us some dog biscuits. But the teller was very rude and said that Hank needed to be in a car to use the drive-up window or he would have to go inside the bank.  But Hank couldn’t go inside the bank because we were with him. Finally the teller let him deposit HIS money in HIS bank account using the drive-up window.  But she didn’t give us any dog biscuits when Hank was done banking. Hank had to ask and then she gave us each a dog biscuit.  The dog biscuit was kind of dry but I enjoyed it. The next week Hank went inside the bank while we waited outside with Kathy.  Hank did his banking but the inside teller didn’t give him any dog biscuits.  When Hank asked for our dog biscuits the teller said they only had them in the drive up window and she wasn’t going to walk all that way (like around 15 feet!) to get dog biscuits for us!  Wells Fargo is an awful bank. They are rude, lazy, and quite Beagle unfriendly!  They’re the WORST bank ever. 

Poor Vince has to work so hard ringing up the extra money for beef sticks he can't make fresh coffee...

When we got to the Jiffy we were happy to see that Vince was still working there because we like Vince!  Hank got a refill cup of coffee for him and two Jack Links beef sticks for us. The beef sticks and coffee cost $2.46. The Jack Links beef sticks were as tasty as I remembered but kind of dry.  I thought they were very dry too. They seemed old. I think they don’t sell very many since they raised the price by 29%.  When we walked home Hank took a sip of his coffee and he almost threw up!  He said it was so bitter it was like drinking battery acid. Kathy told him to go to the Casey’s and get a new refill cup but Hank said he paid $1.17 for the coffee and he was going to drink it.  That’s what he said but by the time we got halfway home he dumped the coffee out in the street. It dissolved the asphalt and made a giant pothole!  It was nice to see Vince and the Jiffy again but the beef sticks were expensive and dry and the coffee made Hank sick. I’m only giving the Jiffy one paw.  If it was a beef stick and coffee award I’d agree with you Daisy but it is just a beef stick award. I liked the Jack Link’s beef sticks and they were in stock so I’m giving the Jiffy two paws.  That gives the Jiffy one and a half paws 

Jiffy – 1 1/2 paws 

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The new Food & Gas Mart has a thing or two to learn about providing a top notch beef stick experience...

Our next stop was the Kum & Go at 9am. We took our normal walk past the cemetery but instead of heading home we turned left and headed to the Kum & Go!  We had a big surprise! There is no Kum & Go anymore. Instead there was a Food & Gas Mart!  The Food & Gas Mart looked a lot like the Kum & Go except for the sign. We waited outside with Kathy and Hank went in.  The Food & Gas Mart people are very nice but the only beef sticks they had in stock were the tiny tiny Slim Jims that are three for a dollar.  Hank got us three. I like the GIANT Slim Jims that Monica an Katie bring us! YUM!! The tiny tiny Slim Jims aren’t much of a snack.  Hank has to rip each slim jim open from its package. It took forever and then we only got two bites each.  The Slim Jims were small but very greasy so the flavor stuck on my lips for the rest of the walk. The three Slim Jims probably had as much meat as one Jack Links beef stick treat.  I think I prefer the beef sticks we get from Aldi, Baxter. There’s more meat and we don’t have to walk as far.  For once I agree with you Daisy. I’ll give the Food & Gas Mart one paw.  I’ll give one paw also. The Slim Jims were inexpensive which was good…  But we also got our money’s worth which wasn’t so good. 

Food & Gas Mart – 1 paw 

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For lunch we checked out the Old Wisconsin beef sticks at Casey's General Store!

We took our morning nap while Kathy and Hank did their Saturday shopping and then it was back to work!  What a great job it is being a convenience store beef stick taste tester! YUM!! At noon we went to the Casey’s.  We’ve been going to the Casey’s every weekend morning. Hank gets a 74 cent refill coffee and we get Aldi beef sticks.  On the 4th we went to the Casey’s at noon and instead of Aldi beef sticks, Hank got us two Old Wisconsin beef sticks for $1.38 and since it was pretty hot he got us a cup of crushed ice with water for 15 cents.  Old Wisconsin beef sticks have more water than the Jack Links brand. That makes them taste a little on the fatty side. 

Amenites like crushed ice really made the Casey's stand out this year!

The ones we got were very fresh and the best tasting beef sticks of the day! YUM!!  I thought they were the best too. Hank was in and out of the store in seconds and the ice cold water and crushed ice was very refreshing.  There’s nothing I like better on a hot day than some crushed ice to go along with my beef stick treat! YUM!! I’m giving Casey’s four paws.  I’d like to give Casey’s four paws but I’m only giving them three because of the high price of their beef sticks. I did appreciate the crushed ice however!  I don't like judging the beef sticks on price. Maybe we should give Hank a half paw for being such a cheapskate! 

Casey's – 3 1/2 paws 

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Our final stop was the Liquor Depot...

After our noon walk we took our afternoon nap and at 3pm it on to the Depot for our fourth and last beef stick taste test.  The Depot is a liquor store and a check cashing place and a convenience store three blocks down the street from where we live.  We walk past it on our three and six o’clock afternoon walks every day. Hank and Kathy hardly ever go in there because its so busy with people buying liquor… And beer… And cigarettes… And soda, candy, or groceries. One time Kathy went in there for a lottery ticket and was there for 15 minutes.  Hank went in there for beef sticks once and got stuck behind this lady having an argument with the clerk because he wouldn’t let her buy a 24 pack of Old Milwaukee with something called an EBT card.  I guess everyone got liquored up early on July 4th because there wasn’t anyone in the Depot parking lot.  I was so happy when Hank came out so quickly but then I saw he came out with two Slim Jims.  The Depot only has prepackaged Slim Jim beef stick treats. For a dollar you get two of them.  These Slim Jims were much bigger than the ones at the Food & Gas Mart but they were still pretty small.  I thought the Slim Jims were OK and I liked that we didn’t have to go out of our way. I’m giving the Depot two paws.  I’m giving the Depot one paw. My tastes are quite refined and I would like to have premium beef sticks for my treat. Plus it was still hot and the Depot didn’t have any crushed ice.  There’s no pleasing some beagles.  I prefer to think of it as a matter of basic beagle dignity but we’re getting a little off topic 

Note to Depot: Premium beef sticks and crushed ice would go a long way for a better score next year...HELLO...

The Depot – 1 1/2 paws 

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Well Daisy, our 2015 convenience store beef stick contest is over and the Casey’s came back from their 2014 last place finish to win the award for 2015.  Yes. Congratulations to Casey’s for superior beef stick service, coffee that didn't make Hank sick, and amenities like crushed ice.  I wish we lived on the south side of Marshalltown instead of the north side, Daisy.  Why’s that, Baxter?  Because then we would live near the Dunkin' Donuts, McDonalds, Burger King, and Hardees!  And we could have a breakfast sandwich contest!  We could compare bacon and egg sandwiches!! YUM!! I love bacon and egg sandwiches!! YUM!! 

Doggin' it

If there is a heaven on earth it may well be the QuikTrip convenience store.

  I’ve been working on-site at a bank the past four weeks and haven’t seen my cubicle in a while. Instead I’ve been sitting in a conference room sharing a long wooden table with two or three other programmers. So in six years I’ve gone from having my own office to a cubicle to a room that I never had to share to a cubicle to a corner of a long wooden table. As the Grateful Dead sang in the song ‘Truckin’, ‘What a long, strange trip its been’

  This year’s on-site excursion is much more pleasant than last year’s twice a week trip to far-away North Liberty. I only have to travel an extra seven miles, I get free coffee, and best of all the building next door is a brand new Quik Trip convenience store.

  When I created retail store software for 13 years, the building I worked in was a block away from a Quik Trip. I would walk there sometimes for lunch and get a hot dog or sandwich. Once I bought a breakfast sandwich – a greasy, gooey mess of egg, cheese, and sausage on a biscuit - it was awesome. The Quik Trip clerks are normally very pleasant and brightly say things like “Hi” and “Come back soon!” but on this day the clerk scolded me in a matronly sort of way and said “Don't you know it’s too late for a breakfast sandwich!” I wasn't pleased at being criticized for my sandwich selection and I replied in my best matter of fact east coast voice “Lady, I got out of prison just this morning and the only thing that kept me going all those years was the thought of getting this breakfast sandwich!” The clerk immediately went back into pleasant and bright clerk mode and said “See you soon!” but I don’t think she really meant it.

  Quik Trip stores have a wide array of prepared sandwiches, sodas, energy drinks, fruit, candy, snacks, beef stick treats, and a stocked soda fountain. You may recall that before I won my Iowa State Fair speed chess blue ribbon last year I stopped at a Quik Trip for a 32 ounce combination of Mountain Dew and Rooster Booster energy drink which helped propel me to victory. I offered Quik Trip my services as a spokesperson and even though we couldn’t agree on compensation (I wanted some and they weren’t giving any) I don’t mind saying that Quik Trip is one of my favorite convenience stores and I wish we had one in Marshalltown and I haven’t even mentioned the Quik Trip hot dog station.

The incredible hot dog station at the Quik Trip!

The power of the press!

  Every Quik Trip I’ve ever been to has a fully stocked hot dog station with fresh hot dogs, sausages, corn dogs, and tortilla wrapped meat items. Except for my late friend Ed’s Chicago style hot dogs, Quik Trip's dogs are the best I’ve had in Iowa on any number of levels. The hot dog bun is held in a plastic container in a tray of hot water to keep it warm and fresh. The dog is juicy and explodes with the flavor of all the meat and meat byproducts when bitten into. Aside from mustard and ketchup, there is a complete fixin’s area with sauerkraut, relish, onions, pickles, pico de gallo, tomatoes, and peppers. I’m a mustard and kraut kind of guy myself but I do load up my hot dog container with a load of pickle slices (real pickles sliced the long way and not those dyed-green pickle chips) along with my dog. If you try this, I advise putting the mustard on the dog first and covering it with the kraut so the pickles won’t get mustard all over them.

  Best of all is that all this hot dog goodness comes at the low price of $1.39 each and 2 for $2.22. On the first day I was at the conference room my coworkers started talking about lunch plans and I said I was going next door to the Quik Trip and get a hot dog. I got a lot of snickers at first but now most of us walk to the Quick Trip at lunch for a hot dog and head back to the conference room to eat it. Sometimes I get a Full Throttle energy drink to go along with my dogs (2 for $3.50) and one day I treated myself to a $1.49 bag of Cheetos Puffs but to my chagrin the puffs were stale and didn’t melt in my mouth like Cheetos Puffs should so I called the Frito Lay company to complain. I merely had to mention that I was an ‘national award winning blogger’ (leaving out the part about being having a self-nominated award winning CHESS blog) and the customer service representative had a coupon for a free bag of any Frito Lay product I wanted (up to a $4.29 value) sent my way before I even had to ask.

You can load up on the pickles but don't expect to escape the watchful eye of Manager Randy!

  The only time other time I had a problem at the Quik Trip was when Randy the manager noticed all the pickles I was putting in the hot dog container and asked me if I had a hot dog in there to go along with my pickles. I smoothed things over with Randy by buying only one hot dog at $1.39 the next couple of days and even started striking up conversations with him. Did you know that Randy has been a Quik Trip manager for almost 30 years, this particular Quik Trip store sells over 400 hot dogs (not tacquitos or corn dogs) every day, and each bun is placed by hand (a gloved hand!) into its plastic container for warming? I can see why Randy is a manager because this is a man that really knows his hot dogs and if I was working at the Quik Trip when I was a teenager I’d never quit and become a manager also so I could have one of those awesome hot dogs any time I wanted.

  I was wondering why there aren’t any Quik Trips in Marshalltown and came up with the idea that perhaps the convenience stores in Marshalltown already have such great hot dogs that Quik Trip doesn’t feel they can break into this market so I went exploring about town in search of Marshalltown's best convenience store hot dog.

  My first trip took me to the Kum & Go – winner of the 2013 Daisy and Baxter beef stick award. The Kum & Go has a small hot dog station with those dyed-green pickle chips and sliced jalapeños to go along with bottles and packets of condiments. The price of $1.59 is a little more than the $1.39 at the Quik Trip and instead of a 2 for $2.22 deal Kum & Go offers a $4 combo with 2 dogs, chips, and a medium drink which is a slightly better value than getting the same items at the Quik Trip. I talked to Joel the manager and he told me that this Kum and Go sells about 400 hot dogs a month in the winter and 600 in the summer.

Nothing wrong with the Kum & Go hot dog station, but it is clearly not in the same league as the Quik Trip when comparing selection, toppings, or price.

  Next I went to my favorite convenience store - the Jiffy where Kathy and I take Daisy and Baxter for their beef stick treats at 4:30am every weekend morning. Even though it was 5 in the morning on a Sunday, Vince had one of each variety of hot dogs the Jiffy offers all ready for me to purchase for $1.69 apiece. The Jiffy has no condiments except for packets of ketchup and mustard and a plastic container with some jalapeños of unknown origin. I asked Vince how many hot dogs he sold in a month and he said maybe one but he also is working the overnight shift which isn’t exactly prime-time for hot dogs.

Vince at the Jiffy keeps a clean hot dog station mainly because it is uncontaminated by hot dogs or toppings that don't come out of a tiny plastic pouch...

  For my final stop I went to the Kwik Star store on the corner of Anson and 3rd Avenue. The Kwik Star is the closest thing in Marshalltown to a Quik Trip with a wide array of sandwiches, drinks, fruit, and snacks. The Kwik Star has a hot dog station with a full supply of condiments but when I looked at the grill to see what the price of the hot dogs were I stopped my search for Marshalltown’s hot dog answer to the Quik Trip when I saw this disgusting coating of burnt grease all over the griller. I didn’t even check the prices because I have seen an episode of two of ‘The Walking Dead’ and was afraid Oscar Meyer was going to turn over in his grave and head towards the Kwik Star!

The Kwik Star has the best toppings in town, but the grill station is in a word....EEEEWWWWW!

  As a result of my research, I determined that not only is there not a disincentive for Quik Trip to put a store in Marshalltown, this is a town that is in desperate need of a Quik Trip. I would happily buy a franchise except all Quik Trips are corporately owned so until the corporate powers that be decide to put a Quik Trip in Marshalltown I’ll just count my blessings that I get to drive to Des Moines to go to work every day where I can partake of the best hot dogs in Iowa.

The Best Day Ever (for a certain pair of beagles)

  Hi Everyone! It’s Daisy and Baxter filling in with another guest blog for Hank. Hank’s lucky we’re doing any blogs for him since he made us miss our half birthday writing about Okoboji (We wrote about it here). I know, Daisy…no one sent us any beef sticks or any other presents for our half birthday. I was so sad…but then we had such a great Fourth of July that we needed to tell all our readers about it! Fourth of July started at 4:30 in the morning like always when we woke up but instead of Hank walking us a few blocks and Kathy going out for an hour… They both took us to Jiffy for some beef sticks!! YUM!!! I knew we would be getting some when Hank only put on his weekend clothes instead of what he wears when he leaves for the whole day. But what neither of us could know at the time was that July 4th was going to be the day we got four beef sticks each AND we would be doing our 2013 beef stick review of all the stores we go to for beef sticks.

First stop : Jiffy at 5:00 am!!

  Since it was a Thursday, Dot was at the Jiffy and not Vince or Cody. The Jiffy serves the Jack Links brand of beef sticks. When we go to the Jiffy during the day and it’s really hot, Hank gets us a cup of ice with water to help keep us cool. The Jiffy has ice cubes which are hard to eat. I prefer crushed ice myself. Most of the time Hank gets a cup of coffee but since it has been so hot, he got a soda for himself along with our beef sticks. Just like always, the Jack Links from the Jiffy are very solid and sometimes they are a little dried out. But on the day of our taste test, they tasted great!! YUM!! I agree that the Jack Links beef sticks have been excellent lately, but I’ve been very disappointed with the Jiffy Parking lot because there’s hardly any vomit or garbage to scrounge lately. Between that and the ice cubes I’m giving the Jiffy 3 paws. I always thought getting garbage or vomit was a bonus but now that I think about it we really should get a little something extra out of our longest walk and this past Saturday morning the Jiffy didn’t have ANY beef sticks so I’m giving the Jiffy 3 paws also.

Jiffy – 3 paws 

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Beef sticks and ice cold water go together perfectly at Kum & Go.

When we got back home, Kathy took a nap and Hank played with his computer while we slept. At 9am, we took our normal walk with Kathy over to the cemetery and back but since Hank came with us, instead he heading back when we got to the cemetery, we kept walking along the cemetery until we got to the Kum & Go. The Kum & Go also has Jack Links beef sticks and they never run out of them. When we got there, Hank got us 2 beef sticks, a 79 cent twenty ounce soda for himself and a big cup of ice water for us! When it’s hot out there’s nothing as good as a big cup of ice and water to go along with our beef sticks! YUM!! I love beef sticks and ice water. Kum & Go beef sticks are the Jacks Links brand just like the Jiffy but since they are busier their beef sticks are always fresh and best of all Kum & Go gives us crushed ice!! Crushed ice is easier for me to chew than the ice cubes we get at the Jiffy and that and the ice water really cools me down on a hot day. I’m giving the Kum & Go 4 paws. I like the crushed ice too and since the beef sticks are always so fresh I’m giving the Kum & Go 4 paws too. I’d give them 5 paws if I could!

Kum & Go – 4 paws 

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Casey's General Store has a wide selection of cold drinks and Old Wisconsin beef sticks!!

Big dog Spike

We took another nap until around noon while Hank and Kathy watched TV and at noon we took our normal walk that is two square blocks southeast past Spike the big dog, but this time Hank and Matt came with us! When Hank comes with us on our noon time walk that means we’re probably going to slip another block east to…Casey’s General Store! We don’t go to the Casey’s very often. We tried to go to it last year and they didn’t have any beef sticks. I was so sad that day. We didn’t even try to go to the Casey’s for a long time but earlier this year we gave them another chance and they haven’t been out of beef sticks since. Casey’s has a big parking lot so we can stay out of the way of the traffic and they have Old Wisconsin beef sticks. Old Wisconsin beef sticks have more water than Jack Links. That makes them less chewy and greasier tasting than the Jack Links beef sticks, but they are still really good. And when it’s hot, Casey’s has cups of crushed ice just like the Kum & Go. I’m going to give the Casey’s four paws. I like Jack Links beef sticks better than Old Wisconsin so I’m going to give Casey’s three paws, but I do appreciate the crushed ice.

Casey's – 3½ paws 

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The Depot's beef sticks are tiny, but as taste testers we were obligated to carry out our duties!!

Our friends Marilyn and Bill.

When we got home from Casey’s we took another nap and at 3pm we got ready for another walk. When Hank isn’t home we just go around the block and when he is home we take the same walk that we go on when Hank works all day. On this day we went to visit our friends down the block: Bill, Marilyn, Becky; their dog Abby; and their neighbor Mary. I sit next to Bill and Marilyn so they can pet me and then I fall asleep. After we got done with our visit, we continued down Center Street but this day we stopped at the Liquor Depot for more beef sticks! We get beef sticks at the Depot occasionally. They only have small greasy Slim Jims and now instead of two small beef sticks for a dollar, they are selling even smaller beef sticks at three for a dollar. The new Slim Jims are even smaller and greasier than before and the Depot doesn’t have any cups of ice for us either. If they weren’t the closest place with beef sticks we would never go there. I don’t want to give them a whole paw but since even a small greasy beef stick is still a beef stick I’ll give them half a paw. I can’t give them a whole paw either. I’ll give them half a paw also. All three Slim Jims combined are smaller than even one of the beef sticks we get from the Jiffy, Casey’s, or Kum & Go.

Liquor Depot – ½ paw 

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So even though the last beef stick of July 4th was the worst, it was still the best day ever because we got to go on four beef stick walks for the Fourth of July. We were hoping that we would make five beef stick trips for the fifth of July but Hank had to go to work and we didn’t get any beef sticks at all. It was a great Fourth of July and we should congratulate Kum & Go for being our 2013 Daisy and Baxter convenience store winner. Yes, Baxter I agree. The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday. Kum & Go has done a great job all year long and Jiffy will have to step it up in order to reclaim their crown after a disappointing third place finish.