Friday, July 7, 2017

The 2017 Fried Chicken Dinner Winner

It is time once again to turn over the Broken Pawn to America's favorite beagle bloggers – Daisy and Baxter,
who for a change have matters of vital public interest to discuss!

Hi Everybody! Daisy here along with… …Baxter and it’s time for another blog post for our many fans! It’s about time we got to write another post. I mean how often can Hank keep writing about movies and television shows? That’s right, Daisy! Especially when there are so many more important topics in the world to discuss. Like what, Baxter? Like how last week Hank ran out of bologna for his sandwich that he takes to work. It could have been a disaster! Luckily Hank realized he wasn’t going to have enough bologna for the next sandwich and made an emergency meat run! It was so exciting. We were wondering what kind of emergency meat Hank was going to bring home. I was hoping it wasn’t going to be one of those tiny Carl Buddig cold cut packs that hardly have any meat in them to share with us. Luckily there was a happy ending because Hank brought home a whole pound of Oscar Mayer turkey. There was plenty to share and it was very tasty. It was the best emergency ever! YUM!! Turkey is one of my favorite meats! Is there any meat that’s not one of your favorites, Baxter? If think of one I’ll let you know.

We did get some bad news this weekend, Daisy. That’s true Baxter. Hank cancelled our annual beef stick taste test awards. I was so sad. Except for the Jiffy and Casey’s all the other convenience stores don’t sell beef sticks out of a container. They all sell tiny, greasy Slim Jims at 2 or 3 for a dollar. And most of these stores get upset with Hank for taking pictures because of all the drug paraphernalia they sell. I’m sure they sell more than drug parapan…parphanal…drug stuff, Daisy. That’s why they don’t want any pictures.

Luckily Hank decided to put our taste testing skills to another task, Baxter! YES! Hank decided we should judge who has the best fried chicken in town. YUM!! I love fried chicken. I love fried chicken too. The rules were Hank would get a three piece dinner from each fried chicken place in town. And he would give us a drumstick to share! YUM!! I love drumsticks! Then Hank would eat the rest of the chicken meal but he always shares with us. We got to grade the chicken and the winner would be the… ‘Daisy and Baxter 2017 Fried Chicken Dinner Winner’!

Hy-Vee's chicken was so large it needed it's own tray!
Which thankfully kept it far away from the disgusting sides.

We had our taste test last month when Kathy went to Idaho to bring Ben and his stuff back from college. Hank was alone in the house except for us pets and we had the entire weekend to concentrate on our fried chicken taste test. Our first tasting was on Thursday night. Hank went to the Hy-Vee and brought home a three piece chicken dinner! There was a leg, a breast, and a thigh. Hank got cole slaw and potato egg salad for his sides. Hy-Vee has really big chicken pieces, Daisy. They were big, Baxter. Last time we had their chicken it was dry and tasteless but not this year! I found our chicken leg moist and tender! I thought it was delicious. Juicy without being greasy. And the breast and thigh was so big there was plenty for Hank to share. We shared a lot and it was all delicious. There was only one problem. What was that, Daisy? Hank thought the cole slaw and potato salad were disgusting. The cole slaw had more of that runny cole slaw juice than the cole slaw. And the potato salad didn’t have any chunks of potatoes! Hank took a bite that had some egg and said the egg was rotten. He threw out his sides after a few bites. He said it was so bad he wouldn't even feed it to us. Hank never throws away food, Baxter. The sides must have been really gross. Hank paid $10.47 for the dinner and it’s a shame he couldn’t enjoy the sides. I’m giving the Hy-Vee chicken 4 paws, Daisy. They had big, tasty pieces of chicken and we are supposed to judge the chicken not the sides. I think the owner experience is important as well as the chicken, Baxter. I’m only giving Hy-Vee two paws for making sides so disgusting that Hank couldn’t eat it or feed it to a dog! Sigh…What’s next? Grading the ambiance?

Hy-vee – 3 paws 

KFC gave Hank a soda with his $9 Big Box.
I wish the chicken was bigger and the box smaller...

On Friday, Hank went to work but came home early with a $9 Big Box from KFC! The KFC had a leg, breast, and thigh just like Hy-Vee. The chicken leg was the best tasting chicken I ever had. I agree the KFC leg tasted great but it was very tiny and the breast and thigh were very small also. There was hardly any chicken for Hank to share with us. On the bright side Hank did get a soda and a biscuit and he must have liked his sides of cole slaw and mashed potatoes with gravy. What makes you say that, Daisy? Because of how fast he gobbled them down. I think they were gone in 10 seconds! That’s even faster than I could eat my piece of the tiny chicken leg. Even though the KFC chicken was small it did taste great. Hank liked the sides and the meal cost a dollar less than the Hy-Vee. I’m going to give the KFC 3 paws. None of the chicken cost me anything and I didn’t get any of the sides of even a sip of Hank’s soda. I’m giving the KFC 2 paws. If they want more paws they need bigger chicken in the $9 Big Box! If Hank reads this that may be the last chicken either of us gets…

KFC– 2 1/2 paws 

Steven Seagal's 2016 classic "Contract To Kill" has everything I want in a Steven Seagal movie. Namely, Steven Seagal and his steely glare...sigh

We had a great Saturday. Hank was home all day and we took a lot of long walks! Yes we did! When Hank is alone with us walks us through the alleyways instead of the streets. Lots of people put their garbage in the alleys and we get lots of new smells. It’s not all garbage, Baxter. Some people have nice backyards with pretty flowers. I like to smell garbage! When we got back from our noon time walk Hank left us alone but he came back with two special treats. Hank brought home a three piece broasted chicken dinner from Haley’s! YUM! I love broasted chicken. I liked the chicken but had a hard time concentrating on it when I found out Hank brought home a DVD of my favorite movie star, Steven Seagal! Was it the movie where Steven beats a lot of people up? Of course! We watched the 2016 classic "Contract To Kill". Steven plays a former CIA agent who has to assemble a team to take out drug cartels and terrorists. In one scene Steven Seagal beats up three terrorists without even getting up from his chair! And he looks at villains and his girlfriend that's 40 years younger than him with his steely glare…Sigh….It must be wonderful to have Steven look at you with his steely glare… I liked the movie because the good guys won and Steven Seagal barely had to touch anyone. I wish Hank was more like him. I’ll bet Steven Seagal’s KFC Big Box is full of chicken! The Hy-Vee wouldn’t dare give Steven disgusting sides with his chicken dinner… Not unless they wanted Steven Seagal to break their arms and legs without even getting up from his chair!

Haley's had a golden brown chicken leg for each of us! It's a winning combination!

Well, we can talk about Steven later, Baxter. Let’s get to the Haley’s chicken. Hank got the Haley’s 3 piece dark meat box for $10. It had two legs and a thigh. There was no soda but Hank got potato salad and green beans for his sides along with a biscuit. I think Hank was chickened out because he gave us both legs. We each got one! The chicken leg was excellent. Crispy on the outside and moist on the inside. Broasted chicken just tastes better, It’s a combination of fried and roasted chicken. And there was a lot of meat too. The legs were just as big as Hy-Vee’s but the thigh was a little smaller. It may have been a mutant chicken. If being delicious is a mutant power I agree! I’m going to give the Haley’s four paws. Having a whole leg is way better than half a leg and a piece of a chicken breast! I agree, Baxter. And Hank wolfed down the sides so fast they must have been excellent! I’m giving Haley’s four paws, too! I'm sure Steven Seagal will eat Haley's chicken if he ever comes to Marshalltown!

Haley's – 4 paws 

So Haley’s is the runaway 2017 Daisy and Baxter Chicken Dinner Winner, Daisy. Yes indeed Baxter. They provided the perfect combination of taste, portion, and non-disgusting side dishes! Congratulations to Haley’s! I can’t help but be sad, though. Why’s that? Because we won’t have another fried chicken taste test for a whole year. Don’t worry, Baxter. There’s plenty of other things to taste test. And Kathy is going away with Ben next week so we’ll be alone with Hank again. Maybe Hank will rent another Steven Seagal movie and we can taste test hamburgers… …Or ribs!.. …Or pizza… …Or Hamburgers! OH BOY! I can’t wait! YUM!