Broken Pawn: Beagle Birthday Dreams

It's that time of the year when America's most literate beagles – Daisy and Baxter,
take over the Broken Pawn to celebrate their birthday!

Hi Everyone! It’s Daisy… …and Baxter with another blog post for all our fans. And of course everyone knows the big news, right Daisy? They better, Baxter. We had our birthday this week! Happy Birthday Baxter! Happy Birthday, Daisy! Now we are 7 years old. Can you believe it? I don’t feel middle aged but the doctor sent us a birthday card with an advertisement for senior dog food. If senior means more meat, I’m all for it! YUM!! I love meat! I think it means food with less calories so we don’t get overweight (she said to the beagle that weighed in at 38 and a half pounds last month…)

That’s in the past! I’m pretty buff. I lost two pounds in the last week alone. If buff means fat then you’re super buff, Baxter! I weigh a petite 30 pounds. And you only lost the 2 pounds because we had to go to the Happy Tails Kennel again last week. It was the second time this year we had to go to the kennel. We had to go there in May when Hank and Kathy went to Idaho for Ben’s graduation. This time they went to South Carolina for Grandpa Walt’s retirement party. I wish retirement parties and graduations were beagle friendly. Me too. And the worst part of going to the kennel was that I got kennel cough. I have to take medicine and I haven’t felt good for a week.

I cut my paw and had to get wheeled around in my wagon. Owwie... I had an operation and had to wear this hideous shirt to keep me from pulling my stiches out.

Then you gave the kennel cough to me and I have it too. And that’s on top of my other ailment. What ailment was that, Daisy? Kathy found a lump on my arm. The vet took a biopsy and said it was a soft tissue sarcoma. Oh I remember now – that was pretty scary because a sarcoma is kind of a cancer. It was. I had to have an operation where they cut open my arm and took the lump out. But the vet said they got all the cancer out and all you have is a scar. And they had to shave my arm. The hair still hasn’t grown back yet.

I had an ailment too. I cut my paw and it hurt when I walked. Owwie... You should be more careful where you walk, Baxter. I had to take my wagon on walks for almost a week. Seems like a pretty first world problem to me, Baxter. That’s because you have four good feet. I already have a foot with one toe so I need all my other three feet. At least with the wagon Hank could wheel you around pretty fast on our walks. When you walk you are the slowest dog in the world. That’s because I like to smell all the leaves and every blade of grass. You’ve been walking faster since we got the kennel cough. That’s because it’s hard to smell stuff. I wish we didn’t get boarded. Then we wouldn’t get kennel cough.

Humans have all the fun. Look at this incredible food Hank and Kathy ate at the Waffle House!

Normally Hank stays with us when Kathy goes away but he wanted to eat at the Waffle House, Baxter. Who could blame him, Daisy? Did you see the picture of the T-Bone steak? YUM!! It sure looked good. It would have been nice to get a taste but Hank didn’t bring us back any. HELLO!!! Hungry beagles here! And how about those hash browns? SCATTERED ON THE GRILL! SMOTHERED IN ONIONS! COVERED IN CHEESE! CHUNKED IN HAM! DICED WITH GRILLED TOMATOES! CAPPED WITH MUSHROOMS! And TOPPED WITH BERT’s CHILI! I wonder who Bert is? I don’t know who Bert is but he must be a great chef, Baxter.

It doesn’t seem fair Daisy. What doesn’t seem fair? Hank gets to go to the Waffle House and eat T-bone steak and eggs and awesome hash browns with chili and ham but all we got for our birthday was premium dog food out of a can! I know. We love premium dog food out of a can but it would have been a better birthday if we got to go to the Waffle House. Hank says that there aren’t any Waffle Houses in Iowa and that’s why he doesn’t take us to any. It’s not right that we don’t live near a Waffle House. No wonder Grandpa Walt and Kathy’s sister Megan hardly ever visit us. There aren’t any Waffle Houses here. I wouldn’t want to visit us either. Even though we are very lovable I’d rather visit less lovable dogs that live closer to a Waffle House.

Hank said that he asked Chef Roger at the Waffle House how much a Waffle House franchise cost and that Roger told him it cost a million dollars. That’s not too much money, Daisy! We helped Hank and Kathy find $12.75 on our walks just in the last 2 months. We could easily find a million dollars and we could open a Waffle House so Hank and Kathy could take us there on our birthday. Unfortunately I looked up Waffle House franchise opportunities on the Internet and found out that Waffle House restaurants are all corporately owned. Hank and Kathy can’t buy a franchise because they don’t sell them. I guess Chef Roger should stick to making T-Bones and eggs. I guess all we’ll ever get for our birthday is premium dog food out of a can. Maybe not, Baxter. What if we opened our own restaurant?

I think we need a different logo for our Beagle House restaurant... Looks good to me!

That’s a great idea, Daisy! We can’t call it Waffle House. What should we name it? How about the Beagle House? It rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? It sure does! We can serve T-Bone steak and eggs just like the Waffle House. And hash browns with ham and chili but I don’t know about the tomatoes, peppers, onions, and mushrooms. Skip the vegetables! Let’s have more meat. I’d enjoy my hash browns SLABBED with bacon! How about STICKED with a topping of beef stick treats? YUM!! That’s what I’m talking about. Maybe BONED with a T-BONE steak! Sure! And PATTIED with hamburger patties! OH BOY!!! And for the high class customers FILETED with a topping of Filet Mignon! And for the value customer – FRIED with fried chicken. MAN!! I’d like an order of hash browns, DICED, TOPPED, SLABBED, STICKED, BONED, PATTIED, FILETED, AND FRIED!!! What a meal. And since we aren’t franchising the internet says we can open a restaurant for just $275,000. Is that less than the million dollars Chef Roger said it would take to own a Waffle House? A lot less! And don’t forget we already have the $12.75 we found over the past two months. At that pace we’ll have the beagle house open in no time. Maybe before our next birthday. And in the meantime we can practice cooking our DICED, TOPPED, SLABBED, STICKED, BONED, PATTIED, FILETED, AND FRIED hash browns!! What are we waiting for? Let’s get started! YUM!!!