The Five People I Don't Want to Meet in Heaven - Part 3

  Sadly for me I’ve again run into the type of characters that compel me to add a new chapter to my series on the five people I don’t want to meet in heaven should we both end up there. Part one was about the dumpster diver that called me heartless when I didn’t let him get close enough to me and my howling beagles to ask for a handout. Part two detailed my dealings with the representative of a government entity a program of mine interfaces with telling me errors and delays on their end was ‘their lead developers highest priority’ to quiet me down for two weeks and then telling me that the problem wouldn’t be fixed for months because their staff was ‘a quarter of the size it was a year before’. My most recent run in was with master of the ‘bait and switch’ who may or may not end up in heaven that I don’t want to meet there or anywhere else for that matter.

  Not much has changed on the work front since I last wrote about it. I am still a self-employed contractor hiring myself out as a programmer to a company in Ames and still working part time troubleshooting the program I wrote for my previous employer that they couldn’t keep running after eliminating my entire department earlier this year. The program is used by two different companies that are both having it rewritten by other companies meaning not the company that laid off everyone who could maintain the program. I am slowly turning over the day to day duties to the ‘user’ companies but since the program is quite complex the turning over and the rewrites are taking longer than expected and five months after assuming the second job I am putting in as many hours as ever on my two jobs.

Bait and Switch Artists

  One of the two companies that use the program I maintain owns the software and arranged to sell the other company the source code as of April 2014 (Don’t ask me why). The issue is that the buying company had also paid for specific enhancements to the program after this seemingly arbitrary April 2014 date. I was asked by my former employer if I could merge the purchased code with the specific enhancements.

  It seemed like a simple enough task. I had done several of the specific enhancements and all the code revisions were on a repository that I am very familiar with so I agreed. I asked for access to the code and was told ‘I would get the access I need’ from the executive I made the agreement with. The next day I got an email from someone I never met before who I shall call SDM for ‘Software Development Manager’. SDM said that the easiest solution on his end would be for me to get the source code versions in a format called GIT and that I should download the GIT software from the internet and put it on my machine. I wrote back to SDM saying I didn’t know GIT and that the easiest thing for me would be to have access to the code repository I was used to working with. I left out the part about how I am generally less than impressed with people when the first thing out of their mouths is what is easier for them.

  SDM wrote back saying that getting me access to the repository “did not fit the timeline” and “you can reach out in this thread if you have questions." and also that I would have to learn GIT at some point. I didn’t mention that I have survived 57 + years on the planet without learning GIT but mention that the learning curve would delay the project but I would give it a go. After all, SDM said there was a timeline and if I needed help all I had to do was ask in the email thread.

  That was on a Tuesday. I was supposed to receive this GIT version of the code and start working (there was a timeline after all). I didn’t get the files on Wednesday or Thursday but on late Thursday afternoon I got an email from the ultimate recipient of the merged code telling me they were told I was working on it and asking when I would be done. I didn’t tell the customer I hadn’t started because I didn’t have the code but I did write to SDM mentioning I hadn’t received anything but an email from the customer asking when I was going to be done. SDM said the PG (programming guy) that was supposed to send me the files was out sick and I would get the files on Friday.

  I didn’t get the files Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. So much for the ‘timeline’. I suppose I could have written again. I didn’t because I saw no reason why there would have been a different result than the last time I asked. I wasn’t SDM or PG’s mother and if I was they probably would never see a desert again. I was also wondering if I would ever get the file but on Monday I got an email from SDM asking me if I had everything I needed and if I had any questions about GIT, PG could provide “brief assistance”.

  Part of me wanted to drop this project like a hot potato. A larger, much larger part of me wanted to mention that if I wanted to work with clowns I would have run away and joined the circus when I was a child. But being the responsible adult and someone who had made a commitment I wrote back saying not only did I NOT have everything I needed I actually had NOTHING I needed. I also expressed my concern that the offer of reaching out in an email thread if I had questions had changed in the space of five days to the nebulous offer of ‘brief assistance’.

  I got an email from PG within the hour telling me that he had sent me an email containing the code but his email client ‘appears to be blocking the sending of the code’ and sent me a link to the 73 megabyte file. I know 73 megabytes is not as much as it used to be but it is still way too much for most email servers to send and receive. I was finally able to download the source code. Then SDM wrote to say they could indeed help with GIT and they were outsourcing the project because “our resources are tight”. He closed the email by saying "Have you reviewed the online resources on GIT? If you have questions after that, feel free to ask questions."

  Now for those who haven’t dealt with this type of technical support the translation of this ‘offer’ is known as ‘RTFM’ as in READ THE F******* MANUAL assuming any question I had was going to be so basic that I could just look it up online and asking for help was tantamount to admitting my laziness. As Johnny Cash said in his classic song ‘A Boy Named Sue’ –"What could I do?" Once I had agreed to the project I was getting pushed around like a piece of trash by SDM and possibly PG (who may genuinely not know about sending 73 megabyte emails) with their minds focused on what is easiest for them, blather about timelines, and then not being able to do what they say they are going to do, and fake offers of assistance. It was a classic bait and switch - once I agreed to use the GIT source code repository nothing else that was said by SDM and PG mattered because they were give the minimum of help and do as little as possible which almost didn't even include sending me the source code required to even start the project!

  I wrote back saying that "I will be sure to review the online resources on GIT before feeling free to ask questions." and I haven’t asked any questions because I am sure that I wouldn’t get any kind of an answer. I’ll get the project done but it will take a lot longer and while that’s not OK with me I will make a decent buck from the project and once complete I will run away having anything to do with this company.

  I don’t hate much but I despise dealing with incompetent people that can’t deliver on what they say they are going to do. The only person I’m more upset with that SDM and PG is me because I agreed to this project without nailing down all the details and didn’t demand to use the source code repository I was familiar with. There’s two reasons I don’t want to run into these characters in heaven – first because I don’t like them and more importantly if I ran into them I’d probably do something to get myself kicked out!