Monday, June 22, 2015

Beagle Privilege

It's time to once again check in with Daisy and Baxter - America's favorite beagle bloggers.
This week our intrepid beagles have a special guest!

Hi Everybody! It’s Daisy…  …and Baxter here with another blog! I’m sure glad basketball season is over, Daisy.  Finally! If I had to read any more about Hank’s predictions I don’t know what I’d do.  It’s not like Hank’s predictions are any good - he only gets about half of them right.  I think we could have just as many right as Hank does by guessing. 

Mr. T the turtle is living with us and thanks to Daisy I got an owie on my ear...

Anyway, I’m sure our readers have had enough of basketball talk for a few years so what should we talk about today, Daisy?  We can talk about how we got in a fight on our walk and I bit your ear.  I bled so much that Hank and Kathy had to seal my ear up with super glue – but I don’t want to talk about that.  If I was a boy dog I wouldn’t want to talk about how my sister bit my ear all bloody either.  How about if we talk about the new beagle we saw talking a walk last Sunday?  The new beagle is cute but we’re much cuter. We haven’t met yet and don’t even know its name. There's the turtle Matt and Kathy took home from the pond…  His name is Mr. T. He’s pretty small but once he gets big he’ll go back to the pond. He crawls around but he’s not especially interesting. 

It’s so difficult to come up with new things to write about, Baxter!  I guess that’s why Hank goes on and on writing about going to Okoboji or who’s going to win a basketball game. We could talk about our walks, I guess.  We just blogged about our walks two months ago. Life’s so difficult sometimes.  Life’s so difficult! Better get a raft in case I cry a flash flood.  Harry? What are you doing in our blog?  Yeah! Why don’t you look in your mirror and leave us alone. We’re trying to think of something to write for our blog.  It's hard enough without some cockatiel interrupting us! 

No matter where I turn I have to listen to these two moan... 

Why don’t you two write about how privileged you are? None of the other animals get to go out for walks and treats except you.  What does that have to do with anything?   We get to go out for walks because we’re so much fun. You would fly away if anyone tried to walk you.  Kathy used to let Sneezy the cat go in the backyard until she started running away.  Could you imagine taking Oreo the rabbit for a walk? Or putting a leash on Mr. T the turtle? Hee Hee Hee…  What are you so upset about, Harry? You get out of your cage every day for a few hours. 

I barely got out my cage one day last week. I went over by the TV to look around and Kathy said I was going to chew the wires and put me in my cage.  Well Harry, you really shouldn’t be over by the television. You have a very nice play area with perches.  Easy for you to say – you have the run of the house and you get to go outside all the time while even when I do get out of my cage for a few hours I have to hang around my play area.  If you know you’re not supposed to do something and you do it anyway then you get punished. Let’s face it Harry – you’re a delinquent.  That’s right. And delinquents deserve what they get! 

We don't think it's privilege to go out for walks... If I get too close to the wires it's back to the cage for me.

That’s what I mean. I didn’t chew any wires but I got treated as if I did! You two are so privileged you don’t even know it. I get locked up for just being near a wire but you two get to go out for walks and treats even though you bite each other and everyone else, scrounge for food, and bark and howl all the time.  There are some things you just don’t understand about beagles, Harry. For one thing, beagles are very smart and the most literate of dogs.  And we don’t really mean to be bad - we can’t help ourselves sometimes. We’re just very passionate, you know. I was really sad when I bit your friend Mr. Feathers.  Another thing you may not know about beagles is that most people love us and want to pet us. Think of all the people that would be sad if we didn’t get outside to be petted.  You’re just the beneficiaries of ‘beagle privilege’. The culture says that beagles get to do whatever they want with little or no consequences. Meanwhile I get treated like a criminal just because I’m hanging near the television wires. 

Harry, I don’t understand a thing you’re saying. Where do you get this stuff from?  You two aren’t the only literate ones in this household. I sit on Hank’s shoulder when he reads the news on his computer and I read the front of the newspaper when Kathy reads the inside. That’s where I learned that privileges of the majority are taken for granted because it’s ingrained in society while minorities get little or no privileges. Of course the privileged majority accepts it as the natural order.  I don’t think we’re very privileged, Harry. If I was privileged, I’d be eating beef sticks until I burst! YUM!!!  And we’d certainly have a lot more Pinot Grigio and Chianti infused Salami from Aldi in the house!  Hank hasn’t brought us any broasted chicken from Haley’s in months. That doesn’t sound like privilege to me.  Last Sunday it rained. We didn’t take a morning walk and we didn’t get any beef stick treats. I was so sad. I think a privileged beagle wouldn’t have to go on a walk in order to get a beef stick treat.  Sigh…There’s no talking to you two…. 

You know Harry if you don’t like the living conditions here why don’t you go back where you came from!  Hank told us all about how a co-worker of his gave you and Mr. Feathers away because you were too noisy.   Maybe your old owners will take you back and you’ll be happier there.  I’d like to go to my native Australia where cockatiels are prized pets. You two are the noisiest animals I’ve ever seen but I don’t see anyone giving you away.  Beagles are British but we’re happy right here with Hank and Kathy.  That’s right – we aren’t going anywhere. 

Well, if I can’t beat the system I guess I’ll join it.  What does that mean?  From now on I’m trans-species self-identifying myself as a beagle. When’s our next walk for a beef stick?  You can’t just say you’re a beagle and get to go on walks for beef sticks!  Why not? People self-identify themselves with other genders and races all the time. The government accepts self-identification on their census so I officially self-identify as a beagle! I can’t wait for my first walk!  You can’t come on a walk with us! You don’t even have a leash  . I’m a beagle trapped in a cockatiel's body. Look - I’m wagging my tail feathers. Listen to me howl. Aw-ooooooo… Aw-ooooooo… 

It's time to release my inner beagle!  I understand that Harry self identifies as a beagle but it doesn't mean we have to like it...

This is insane! What’s the world coming to?  Well Baxter – it’s really none of our business if Harry wants to be a beagle. Let’s look on the bright side.  What bright side? All the other dogs and people will laugh at us if we have to take a walk with a cockatiel.  I’m not a cockatiel! I’m a beagle. Aw-ooooooo…  SHUT UP, HARRY!  Baxter, calm down and think about this rationally. Hank won’t get beef sticks at Kum & Go and Casey’s because they raised their prices to three for two dollars but if there are three beagles in the house…  We can get Kum & Go and Casey’s beef sticks again! YUM! I love Kum & Go and Casey’s beef sticks. YUM!!  And Harry only eats bird seed, millet spray, and popcorn so we’ll each get an extra half a beef stick!  OH BOY!! I’d love more beef stick treats! YUM!! C’mon Harry, let’s get ready for our walk! You can use my old leash.  Aw-ooooooo… 

Could this be the future of our beef stick walks?  Aw-ooooooo…